Bishops Williamson and Fellay meet Roger Cardinal Mahony

Bishops Williamson and Fellay meet with Roger Cardinal Mahony of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles

By John Grasmeier
Angelqueen.org
May, 2008

Setting: A message is sent to SSPX headquarters that two traditional cathedral angels from the Archdiocese of Los Angeles are about to be placed on Ebay. Bps. Fellay and Williamson set out to Los Angeles.

	Hi. I’m Roger Cardinal Mahoney, but you can call me “Roj.” Would you like something to drink? I got these neat Kool-Aid pitchers by saving up proof of purchases.

	Uh, no thank you. I’m Monsignor Fellay. Out of respect to your office, may I call you “Your Eminence?”

	No, please don’t do that. My friends will think I’m square - I’m supposed to be “with it” and all.

	If you don’t mind my asking, what are those women doing?



	Oh them? Those are the hula girls. I was just fine tuning my Hawaiian liturgy. If you like I can give you a copy of the rubrics.

	Well, I live in Switzerland, but even if I lived in Hawaii, I could never….

	Switzerland? Perfect! I always wanted to concoct a Swiss Mass. Think of the possibilities. We can yodel the epistle. There’ll be accordions, with the choir singing those lovely oompah waltzes. We’ll hand out tasty chocolates and…

	Gentlemen!

	Hello Bishop Williamson. This is Roger Cardinal Mahony.

	Please, call me “Roj.”

	Did I miss anything?

	His Eminence offered to help create a Swiss liturgy for us. You see, he doesn’t know that we’re…

	A what liturgy? Your Eminence, may I have a word with you in the other room?

	Please call me “Roj.”

5 minutes later...

	Well I must be off. Confirmations to get to and all. Cheers!

	But wait, Your Excellency, what did you do with Cardinal Mah… Cardinal Mahony! My goodness what happened in there?

	Please, call me “Roj.” Well, once we got inside, he began telling me about how a bishop is responsible to teach his flock the faith. Then he started talking about fleeing mortal sin, and how the Mass is a sacrifice - crazy stuff like that. Then he started shaking his staff at me and demanding that I put my head-gear on. The next thing I knew, I was waking up on the floor. Is your friend always like that? He must into religion or something.

	Well, yes.

	By the way, do you guys have a Cathedral somewhere?

	Well, no.

	No? They only cost around 20 or 30 million. Is it a money issue? If you’re in the red because of lawyer fees and lawsuit settlements…

	Actually we don’t spend much on lawyers. Many of those we do hire are real estate attorneys, who help us buy property for chapels and schools.

	Ah okay, there’s your problem. Start selling the schools and chapels, then use the money to pay off bad debt.

	We don’t have much debt. Nearly all of our schools and chapels are in the green.

	In the green? (Laughs) You’re a plucky one aren’t you, pulling my leg like that. I appreciate a guy with a sense of humor. Seriously though, perhaps you need get better at moving your gays and criminals around. See, if they stay in one place too long, busy-bodies – like cops, lawyers and parents - begin showing up and start throwing around sanctimonious words like “accountability” and “justice.”

	But I don’t have any gays or criminals to move around. Now about those cathedral angels...

	You don’t have any gays or criminals? I thought you said you were a Catholic bishop?

	But I am a Catholic bishop.

	You can’t be. All bishops have debt, gays, criminals and settlements. You don’t have a Cathedral, and I don’t see you at any of the gatherings of bishops. Why not?

	Well, I can’t have a Cathedral, not even a titular see, and I’m not welcome at any official functions. You see, I was supposedly excommunicated by John Paul II.

	Ha! Now I know you’re pulling my leg. Everyone knows John Paul II never excommunicated anyone. I’m still here, aren’t I? And I haven’t even been gently corrected. What could you possibly have done?

	Around 20 years ago, I was consecrated by Archbishop Lefebvre.

	Yeah, and...

	Well that’s all. You see John Paul became very angry after that, and wrote this letter called Ecclesia Dei Afflic…

	So you’re telling me that you violated some law or protocol? Oh come on. I do that all the time, and nobody’s ever bothered me. It must be something else.

	Well actually, there's nothing else. You see back then…

	Listen I’d love to hear more about all of this, but I’m running late. I’m speaking at an illegal alien rally after which my attendance is required at a global warming conference. I’ll be in court all day tomorrow, so I won’t be around, but you’re free to come and take the Cathedral Angels. I know this is Los Angeles, the city of angels, but nobody in my diocese believes in angels anymore. The protestants wouldn’t take them, so you and your friend are welcome to them.