New Disorder: Passion Induced Stress Trauma (PIST)

John Grasmeier
Angelqueen.org
March, 2004

There has been an unusual new malady discovered in some test subjects as a result of the opening of Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ".

Recall the stories about certain video games, films and televised media inducing epileptic seizures. This disorder is similar as far as the severity of the reaction, but far worse in regard to scope. While seizure phenomena is relatively rare, this media induced malady seems on its way to reaching pandemic proportions.

The disorder I’m referring to is known as "Passion Induced Stress Trauma" (PIST). Although "The Passion" is a source of enlightenment and inspiration for most, there is a sizable minority who for some strange reason have very strong reactions and get PIST by the mere existence of the movie. It seems to affect a wide variety of demographics, but secularists and those with anti-Christian agendas seem to be most susceptible. Be advised that actually seeing the movie is not a prerequisite to acquiring PIST, as there are many people who get PIST without ever having ever actually set foot in a theater showing "The Passion."

The good News is that most of the symptoms and sub-maladies of PIST are easily recognizable, making it easily identifiable. If you or anyone you know exhibits the following symptoms please seek help. They are as follows:

Violence Induced Loathing Epidemic (VILE) – Many talking heads, critics etc. who have hailed movies in which on-screen victims are cut up with chain saws, women are brutalized and victim's heads are blown apart have suddenly discovered that they have a "line" when it comes to cinematic violence. Normally this epiphany would be a welcome development. However, many experts suspect that once the hype surrounding "The Passion" ebbs, these same VILE subjects will revert back to hailing producers such as Quentin Tarantino as geniuses and lauding movies such as "Texas Chain Saw Massacre" or "Kill Bill".  If the subject normally defends gratuitous, graphic violence in the media as free speech or artistic expression, yet paradoxically is horrified by a biblically accurate account of Jesus being scourged at the pillar, they most likely are a VILE infected patient who has gotten PIST as a result of "The Passion".

Anti-Semitic Schizophrenia (ASS) – Despite the nomenclature, victims with a case of ASS do not necessarily need to be Jewish. In fact most are not. If the subject is loudly proclaiming anti-Semitism where none exists, they most likely have an acute case of ASS. The ASS inflicted victim can be identified if he adheres to the notion that any Jewish person depicted in an unfavorable light is a sign of anti-Semitism or conversely by his refusal to recognize any Jew cast in a positive light as evidence to a lack of anti-Semitism. Despite the fact that Jesus Himself, His mother, the twelve apostles, Simon and many other Jews in "The Passion" are shown to be heroes, ASS patients seem to focus solely on the small group of long-dead Pharisees who condemned Christ. Fortunately, many cases of ASS acquired by those who haven’t seen the movie have been cured once they view it. The absence of burning synagogues near theaters showing "The Passion" will also go a long way toward curing the ASS victim. In some cases however, ASS seems to be incurable. It is especially virulent in cases where fundraisers of 501-c3 advocacy organizations are afflicted. For example, Abe Foxman of the Anti-Deformation League (ADL) has an incurable case of ASS.

Studio Head Mogul Underestimation Kick (SHMUK) – As opposed to most symptoms of PIST being of a psychological nature, SHMUK is a visible physical symptom. If you happen across a studio executive who is on his way to the bank, he will most likely be kicking himself firmly in his rear-end, in which case you will be witnessing a SHMUK. Although only afflicting a small yet elite study group, it seems that every studio executive in Hollywood is SHMUK-prone, with the clear exception being the executives at Newmarket Films - who seem to be immune. There seems to be some connection between the executives at Newmarket agreeing to distribute "The Passion" (thus receiving the hefty revenues) and having an inherent resistance to catching SHMUK.

Renewed Affinity for Religious Expertise (RARE) – The Passion seems to have caused countless experts on religion and Christianity to materialize in areas where few previously existed. While there are many valid religious experts to be found, the RARE victim can be identified by his complete absence of interest in anything to do with religion and/or Christ prior to the release of this particular movie. Also, as opposed to the true expert, the RARE victim uses his newfound "expertise" and interest in the Gospels to cast doubt on the integrity of "The Passion" or even go so far as to attempt to undermine Christianity itself.

Bishop Unbecoming Malady Syndrome (BUMS) – This seems to have afflicted many Catholic Bishops, particularly in liberal urban areas such as Cleveland, Los Angeles and New York. BUMS is particularly distressing given that it renders the victim completely useless to himself and those under his charge. BUMS is usually found in conjunction with other symptoms of PIST, so some smitten bishops can potentially be classified as PIST VILE BUMS.  The infected Bishop may have seen to it that flyers were handed out "warning" the flock of about the movie or he may state in press conferences that he has no intention of seeing the movie, neglecting the fact that the subject of it is the very center of the religion the bishop claims to profess. If you see someone who is dressed as a Catholic bishop yet doesn’t act like one, there is a good chance he may be infected with this illness. BUMS often indicates a larger and more serious disease within the clergy known as SCUM (Scandalous Clergy Undermining Morality), which would cause the bishops in question to be classified as SCUM BUMS. We've even seen cases of PIST VILE SCUM BUMS, which is only cured when the prelate hits 75 years of age and is forced to retire.