God admits “I knew what McCarrick was up to”

Tuesday, 31 July 2018

God admits “I knew what McCarrick was up to”

We have seen a succession of implausible denials from Cardinals Wuerl, Farrell, Cupich, etc. that they knew that (ex-)Cardinal “Uncle Ted” McCarrick was anything other than a saintly being destined to be canonized soon after shuffling off his mortal coil. They never knew. They were shocked. Why weren’t they told?We have seen attacks from Martin, Rosica, Winters, Mickens, … blaming any Catholics who do not happen to be homosexual for using the Tedgate affair to question the ethics of the St Gallen Mafia, the USCCB Gay Mafia, the Jesuits, the Pope, etc. They’re all traddies. They go to Latin Masses. Some of them don’t like Amoris Laetitia. Burn them!

We have seen total silence from the Pope himself, but since he lives his life without television, newspapers, internet, post, or friends, he cannot be expected to be aware that there is anything to worry about.

Pope and McCarrick

“Ted! How’s tricks?”

Finally, God the Father has stepped up to the post and admitted that He, at least, knew perfectly well what McCarrick was up to. When asked why He had not stepped in to stop it with a bit of smiting – say a well-placed lightning bolt – the Almighty explained that in these Novum Testamentum days, smiting is out of fashion, and it’s Mercy that’s the Flavour of the Aeon.

Jubilee Year of Mercy

“But I didn’t design that dreadful Logo,” explained God.

God is well-known for His reluctance to give direct answers to questions (or “dubia”) submitted to Him in prayer. These include:
1. Is this it?
2. How do you do what you do to me?
3. What kind of fool am I?
4. Should I stay or should I go?
5. Does your chewing gum lose its flavour on the bedpost overnight? [Perhaps it was a mistake to add this one.]

Austen Ivereigh's finest hour

“Is there no bomb in Gilead?” Another good question.

Nevertheless, the Almighty has promised to take action at the Day Of Judgement, and make things hot for some people. It’s always hard to know who will end up as a sheep or a goat, but the general consensus seems to be that when the Dies Irae comes, Judas Iscariot, Nero, Henry VIII (sorry, Anglicans!), Hitler, and Sydney “Lord of the Dance” Carter went a bit too far in life, and will require good lawyers, or else a Surprise Redemption.

As for McCarrick, well we’ll see…

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