“Eat up your greens” says FrankenPope

Sunday, 29 July 2018

“Eat up your greens” says FrankenPope

Pope Francis has given us the definitive – indeed Magisterial – message of today’s Gospel about the feeding of the 5000. OUT go all references to Jesus feeding us, to bread, to any spiritual aspects of this miracle. But IN comes…Pope Francis message

“Eat up your greens! Or do something else with them.”

Coming soon is the Pope Francis Recipe Book, with a whole chapter on what to do with your leftover fish and bread. Eat it yourself (“we never thought of that”), turn it into something different (“if we had some roast beef, we could make it into roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, if we had some Yorkshire pudding”), give it to the poor (“Fish and bread? You joking, guv? The Anglicans are offering us gluten-free vegetarian unleaded low-fat hummus and soya fritters”)… The possibilities are endless.

This should really be part of our “How to be a good pope” series. How to preach a sermon on the Feeding of the 5000 without saying anything that might offend the non-religious.

Over in Eccleston Square, the Catholic Bishops of England and Wales have a better idea:

CBCEW message

No message from the American bishops, who are all at McCarrick’s farewell party.

Yes, that makes sense. Each Apostle was given a “goody bag”, or, more precisely a “goody basket” of leftovers. Most of them didn’t want any more food, and gave their share to Judas Iscariot.

Mr Creosote

Cardinal Dolan Judas Iscariot, after eating 12 baskets of fish and bread.

Anyway, back to Pope Francis, and his message about leftover food. Remember to eat up your greens, don’t leave food on the side of your plate, or, if you really can’t finish the food, turn it into something different. Eccles cakes?

Oh, and don’t mention Jesus. I did, but I think I got away with it.

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