“Jesus has no credibility” says Cardinal Farrell

Sunday, 15 July 2018

“Jesus has no credibility” says Cardinal Farrell

“Jesus is not the best person to advise people on marriage,” explained Cardinal Kevin Farrell, Prefect of the Dicastery for Laity, Family and Life. “He has no credibility, He never lived the experience; He may be the Son of God, but to go from there to putting His Power into practice every day – He doesn’t have that experience.”Some will find Cardinal Farrell’s words controversial, although it is unlikely that Pope Francis will take any notice of them, let alone correct them. Cardinal Farrell (70) was appointed by Francis, along with Cardinal Tobin (66) and Cardinal Cupich (69), as one of a team of “Bright Young Cardinals” whose job was to drag the Catholic Church into the 1960s.

Tobin, Farrell, Cupich

The Three Musketeers (or do we mean Stooges?)

Jesus’s views on marriage – broadly speaking, that it is an institution that involves one man and one woman for life – have already been much criticised, especially by fans of Amoris Laetitia, but Kevin Farrell is the first person to come out and explain how He could have got things so badly wrong.

“It is better if people being prepared for marriage ignore all that pre-Vatican II Biblical stuff,” he continued, “and it is therefore more appropriate if they are prepared by someone who has been married before – perhaps several times – and preferably both to people of the same sex and the opposite sex. That way they can benefit from a full range of experiences.”

Henry VIII

“Now take Henry VIII. The Anglicans have benefited from his wide experience of marriage!”

Cardinal Farrell went on to criticise the Ten Commandments, explaining that God had been “rather new at that game” when He drafted them, and had not committed any sins. “It would have been better if He had left things to Satan, who, after all, had much more personal experience of evil.”

Many Catholic priests have been disturbed (not to say furious) at Kev the Rev’s comments, asking themselves exactly what experience of marriage the good cardinal has himself had, to be able to speak out so authoritatively. As a result, they have constructed a giant balloon (blimp) in the form of Farrell, which is now flying above Rome, this being the “modern” way to express political disagreement.

Farrell blimp

The Farrell blimp watches over St Peter’s Square.

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One comment on ““Jesus has no credibility” says Cardinal Farrell

  1. Not one of BE’s better satires. A bit too”edgy” in its 10 Commandments riff. It might read differently to BE’s Brit fans but even allowing for that, some subjects are better left untouched by humorists.

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