Francis admits “I didn’t know I was the Pope.”

Thursday, 21 June 2018

Francis admits “I didn’t know I was the Pope.”

After denying receiving any complaints about the activities of Bishop Barros in Chile, and now, most recently having denied receiving the five Dubia from Cardinal Burke and colleagues, Pope Francis has finally come up with a convincing explanation.”Until I read the news in the paper,” he explained, “I did not realise I was the Pope. They told me that, since I was so unpopular in Argentina, I should take a sabbatical in Rome, but I never imagined that I held the top job. Imagine my surprise when the Tabletannounced that I was the Pope!”

Pope Francis covered up

“Dubia? I see no Dubia.”

Apparently there was a large pile of unanswered letters of complaint, demands for clarification, and more, all addressed to “THE POPE”, and Francis had been wondering for five years why nobody had opened them. “The same goes for electricity and gas bills,” he added. “We’ve been sitting in the dark for several years, and living on takeaways, since the electricity and gas were turned off. Whenever the Pope, whoever he is, turns up, I hope he will take some action, such as excommunicating members of the Rome Power Company.”

The Pope’s admission has at least quelled suspicions that Cardinal Baldisseri, the well-known collector of other people’s books, had been suppressing the Pope’s post. Baldisseri himself admitted that he was too busy manipulating the forthcoming Synod on Yoof in Rome. “I’ve already worked out what the young people will decide,” he explained, “and I haven’t even had to meet any. How would I possibly have had time to look at the Pope’s correspondence?”

LATE NEWS: God claims: “I never received any prayers from Pope Francis, I just read about them in the newspaper.”

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3 comments on “Francis admits “I didn’t know I was the Pope.”

  1. No more calls, please! We have our winner! LOL!!! 👍👍👍☺

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    Michael

    • LOL!!! A perfect edit, Tom! 😉
      /
      Is that pic from his “pope in a pup tent” days?

      • [Possibly, although I saw another and later photo from the same place on a site that Donald McClarey (aka The American Catholic) calls the “only reliable source of Catholic news on the net, Eye of the Tiber”]

        Francis To Visit Kansas To Commemorate 26th Anniversary Of Pope Michael Election To Papacy

        FEBRUARY 5, 2016 BY EOTT ADMIN

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        The Vatican has announced that Pope Francis will visit Kansas in July to commemorate the 26th anniversary of Pope Michael’s election to the papacy, just months before visiting Sweden to commemorate the 500th anniversary of the Protestant Reformation.

        During the July 16th trip to Kansas, Francis will take part in a joint prayer service with the conclavist community, the Vatican reported earlier this week.

        Word of the visit to Kansas was reported Monday, after Francis learned that Michael would not be able to make it to Rome for what the Vatican was calling, “Remorsapalooza.”

        The announcement was made during the Week of Prayer for Christian Unity, where Francis asked forgiveness “for the sins of our divisions that were, one hundred percent of the time, caused by the Church.”

        “It’s all our fault,” Francis told leaders from the Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, and atheist communities. “To the Muslim community, I ask forgiveness for beginning the crusades. To our protestant brethren, we ask forgiveness for everything we did to cause the Reformation. And we ask forgiveness to our Jewish brethren for everything that happened to your community in consequence of the crucifixion. Definitely our fault.”

        Francis went on to admit that every bad thing that had ever happened in the history of man, even those that took place before Christianity “was the fault of the Catholic Church,” before going on to lash himself for the Church’s sins for nearly three hours.

        “We cannot erase what happened before, but we do not want to allow the weight of past wounds to continue to contaminate our relations,” Francis said at Rome’s Basilica of St. Paul Outside the Walls. “Therefore, I offer St. Paul Outside the Walls to Pope Michael and all the tens of people that he shepherds.”

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