FrankenPope changes his medication

Monday, 18 June 2018

FrankenPope changes his medication

After several years of dosing himself on CUPICHON, MARTINEX, SPADARINE, COCA-PALMERIOL, and similar poisons, which have led the Holy Father to express some distinctly dubious views on pro-life issues, homosexuality, and the like, Pope Francis has received a new prescription from his doctor, including wonder drugs such as BURKEMIN, SARAHOL, and SCHNEIDERONE.Francis, a new man

“I feel like a new man!” says Francis.

The results have been startling. Pope Francis has spoken out against “gay” parenting (“ungodly”) and abortion (“like Nazi eugenics”). Only a few weeks too late to save Ireland and Argentina, but credit where it’s due.

This could be a turning point for the Catholic Church. Will Emma Bonino be crossed off Francis’s Christmas card list? Will Fr James Martin SJ be summoned to Rome for a good thrashing (no, he’d probably enjoy it)? Will Scalfari be given the boot? Will the Dubia finally be answered? Could climate change, liberation theology, and similar issues be replaced by a new emphasis on Catholic teaching?

Francis, grumpy

“We think it was the SPADARINE that made him shout at everybody.”

Of course there are other wonder drugs on the market that Pope Francis may wish to try. He should avoid DOLANINE, which makes the patient spend all his time laughing crazily; also, TOBINOL comes in two varieties, one of which is beneficial, while the other leads to strange behaviour late at night; then, tincture of ROSICA leads to aggression and paranoia; finally, swallowing ZUHLSDORFIA leads to distinctly eccentric behaviour, but is basically sound…

Dolan laughing

The dreadful affects of DOLANINE. (H/T someone, not sure who.)

Good luck, Holy Father!

Get AQ Email Updates

4 comments on “FrankenPope changes his medication

  1. Of course, the overwhelming likelihood is that Frankenpope is just doing the usual; that is, sitting on his hands while the disaster du jour is being consummated, then pretending to lament and wring them afterward, when it’s too late to do anything about it.
    At this point, anyone who thinks that Frankenpope is on the verge of conversion to the Catholic Faith needs a very heavy dose of REALITINE, known to be effective in treating those living in denial. It’s recommended, however, that you first speak to your doctor about pretreatment of your Alzheimer’s.

  2. 78-yr-old liberal hippie tripping on acid threatens to put Barron Trump in a cage with perverts
    Hollywood Inquirer Gazette
    June 20, 2018

    78-yr-old Hollywood actor, ’60s counterculture icon, and psychedelic interior astronaut Peter Fonda took to Twitter to threaten Barron Trump, as disputes over U.S. immigration policy continue to interrupt celebrity lifestyles in gated communities.

    Peter Fonda with Dennis Hopper and Jack Nicholson in the 1969 psychedelic hippie vision quest Easy Rider.

  3. “Psychedelic interior astronaut”

  4. Fonda, 78, the brother of anti-Vietnam War activist Jane Fonda, who appeared in such classics as Easy Rider, The Trip, and the 1974 car chase film Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry, was busy fencing with a giant purple octopus leading an extraterrestrial invasion force from Saturn, after taking to Twitter and could not be reached for comment.

Leave a Reply