Church of England “the greatest dream realised for human beings”

Thursday, 7 June 2018

Church of England “the greatest dream realised for human beings”

Justin Welby (currently leading in a Twitter poll to find the silliest Archbishop of Canterbury in the last 25 years, in spite of stiff competition from Rowan Williams and George Carey) has stated that the European Union is “the greatest dream realised for human beings” for the past 1,500 years.He is too modest. For a team of EU Grandees (Jean-Claude Juncker, Donald Tusk, old Uncle Verhofstadt and all) have reciprocated by pointing out that in fact the Church of England is the greatest dream realised for human beings since… well, since before Christ in fact, as all HE could do was to found the Catholic Church.

Nichols and Welby

Can I join, Justin?

As the grandees pointed out, the Church of England is unique in that it is the only religion that caters for all possible beliefs. Do you believe in the existence of God? Yes? No? Welcome! Do you believe that women can be priests? Yes? No? Doesn’t matter. Are you pro-life? Yes? No? We don’t care! How about same-sex marriage? For? Against? It’s all the same to us. Are you a Muslim? We probably have a church for you too.

The only (well not the only) church in which any fool can be a bishop, and many are!

CofE advert

Everything you expect in a church… except God.

Being a Catholic isn’t easy. You’re suppose to avoid sin, and, since this is basically impossible, you have to confess, be absolved, and start again. Anglicans don’t have this problem, as the only sins they acknowledge are Euroscepticism, Climate Change scepticism, and of course a lack of enthusiasm for Equality and Diversity in all shapes and sizes (oops, a dwarfophobic comment there).

transgender stuff

Great job opportunities!

Catholics are also supposed to attend Mass once a week. This seems so dreadfully unfair, when Anglicans only attend church three times in a lifetime – once to be drenched from the font, once to get hitched to some person of the opposite (?) sex – well maybe more than once in this case – and once in a wooden box, when the priest will say how wonderful you were, and the congregation will sing “My Way”.

Contrast that with a Requiem Mass, in the Catholic tradition, where you will maybe get the Dies Irae, which is a little poem explaining that the dear departed was probably unsaved, and is certainly going to have a rough time at the Day of Judgement.

Women Catholic thingies

Women who dress up as Catholic priests just aren’t taken seriously! Unlike Anglicans, ha ha.

Nope, as the Three Wise Men of the EU have pointed out, Anglicanism was a wonderful step forward for the human race – well done, Henry VIII! Indeed, an Anglican’s life is tailored to your individual needs. Why, no wonder the churches are full to the brim.

Oh… aren’t they?

Get AQ Email Updates

One comment on “Church of England “the greatest dream realised for human beings”

  1. LOL!!!!

    Another top-of-his-game performance by ol’ BE.

Leave a Reply