How to preach a Royal Wedding sermon

Posted by on Sunday, 20 May 2018

How to preach a Royal Wedding sermon

Some day you may be invited to preach the sermon at a royal wedding, at which some lesser piece of royalty is joined in holy matrimony with a celebrity. There are not many unattached princes of marriageable age around at present, but who knows, Prince Andrew may have hit it off with Oprah Winfrey. So be prepared!Michael Curry preaching

Don’t be discouraged if someone looks the other way and turns off his hearing aid.

“Why me?” you ask. “Why can’t Welby do it himself? All right, he’s a great bore. But how about Nurse Sarah Mullally, the bishopess of London? Ten minutes of politically correct waffle, that will go straight to the heart, won’t it?”

No. For whatever reason, the lot has fallen on you. An estimated 2 billion people will be listening in, so you must DUMB DOWN. No learned discourse on the spirituality of the lesser kings of Judah, or the precise translation of some particular word in the synoptic gospels. No, they want SEX

I’m sorry. They want LOVE. Statistically, it has been shown that nearly 30% of people who get married are actually in love. Now, no C.S.-Lewisite subtleties about “Four loves” – Storge, Philia, Agape, Eros. Just bundle them all together and dig out some quotations about Love.

Obviously Jesus talked a lot about Love, and you can mention this. But don’t forget to bring in some more important theologians such as Martin Luther King, and – if you like – Groucho Marx and Tommy Cooper (“Heard the one about two aerials meeting on a roof, falling in love, and getting married? The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.”)

Tommy Cooper

The ideal preacher, but sadly no longer with us.

After about 5 minutes of LOVE we can move onto another theme. Two ideas in one sermon may seem a little excessive, but let’s use FIRE as well. Without fire there would have been no industrial revolution. Without fire, there would have been no cars to bring you to church. Without fire the fire brigade would be unemployed. Keep going.

Somewhere about now you can throw in some Biblical reference. Maybe to Balm in Gilead (also taken up by Edgar Allan Poe in “The Raven”?). Of course this will be over the heads of the non-religious.

Austen Ivereigh goes balmy

When Mr Catholic Voices went a little balmy.

If you have any say in the wedding hymns, you can get them to sing that old Gospel Song “Stan Balmy”, which seems to consist of this magic phrase repeated 946 times. This is what we call liturgical coherence.

Oh, slip in a reference to Teilhard de Chardin, even if you do call him “Tired Day Chardan”. This will go down well with your celebrity audience, who will mostly think he’s a fashion-designer.

Anyway, finish off now. Get back to LOVE, and hope that the happy couple haven’t already got tired of each other. Money can’t buy me love. Love is a many-splendoured thing. Thirty-love (one for Serena Williams there)…. There is power in LOVE, which is why it is like FIRE.

Brighton pavilion

A new palace for the Duke of Sus-sus-sus-sex.

See, easy, wasn’t it?

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4 comments on “How to preach a Royal Wedding sermon

    • Sed contra: “There is the more realistic fear that Miss Markle, as an IHM alumna, being a Catholic – as many suppose her to be – will apostatize to wed Prince Harry. Nothing could be further from the truth. So far from leaving the Catholic Church, she [who was never baptized] will actually be receiving Christian baptism for the first time [to become a member of the Catholic Church regardless of who baptizes her (even if the Anglican Archlayman of Canterbury) as long as he has the right intention and uses water and the correct formula]. Moreover, for those upset at Prince Harry marrying a divorcee, since the future princess’s first husband was Jewish, the Pauline Privilege dissolves said marriage upon her baptism.” – Charles A. CoulombeThe unorthodox nuns who taught Meghan Markle
      Read the rest of the article for more interesting information about her, the wedding, the royal background, and the author.

  1. The entire Brit skit was their sacrilegious version of our Super Bowl. Oddsmakers give this “pair” 2-5 years, tops.

  2. Coulombe’s claims are the first I’ve seen indicating the blushing bride wasn’t just another serial adulteress who managed to snare a royal twit. Barnhardt went into lunar orbit ( hardly a rare event ) on Saturday, shrieking just the opposite.
    Just one more example of why TradWorld 2018 looks more like Jurassic Park with each passing day. Now that Louie Verrecchio has insulted: just about every last well-respected Trad media figure on earth; the three prelates who alone have shouldered the cause; and even the SSPX — all in preparation for launching his own self-styled Inquisition — we’re likely to see a scenery shift from a dinosaur-ridden island to the snowy plains surrounding Stalingrad.

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