DRAGNET in Sunny Nuovo Roma

“Il mio nome è Venerdì. Porto un distintivo della polizia…”

“Joe, knock it off. We broadcast this show in English.”

“Okay, but you know what they say.”

“How’s that?”

“When in Rome, do as…”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that. The problem is that’s what brought us here in the first place.”

“How’s that?”

“Joe, didn’t you listen to that podcast from Canon Hesse on the flight over?”

“No, I was listening to Andrea Bocelli. Great set o’ pipes.”

“Well, be sure you do before we meet with our Italian counterparts. Canon Hesse was a great theologian, y’know.”

“Outline it for me, will ya. Just the facts.”

“It’s heavy, Joe. Looks like some con artists worked a bunko scheme and took over the Vatican in 1962.”

“Yeah, I noticed that. Any arrests?”

“That, Joe, is why we’re here, today.”

(Cue DRAGNET theme)

“My name’s Friday. I carry a badge.”

“Better, Joe. Much better.”


(DIRECTOR: “Cut! Sergeant, please just stick with the script, okay? Take 3 – Action!”)

“My name’s Friday. I carry a badge. My partner, Bill Gannon, and I were being loaned to the Rome PD. We were workin’ the day watch outta LAPD’s crack Fraud Division when the call came in. Gannon and I stopped for some bruschetta and a
cappucinno at a little bistro off the Via d’Angnetti before heading over for our first meeting with the head of the Rome PD’s Divisione Frodi. As we were about to leave, a couple of bishops came into the shop. One came right over to us.”

“Scusami. I’m-a Bishop Callacoppa. Voi due signori avete un aspetto familiare. Are-a you not a-from Los Angeles PD?”

Bill handled the exchange.

“Sì, Eccellenza! Mi chiamo Gannon e il mio compagno è Giuseppe Friday.”

“Lodare Dio! Abbiamo bisogno di aiuto.”

Gannon asked what kind of help the bishop needed. His Excellency said it would be best for us to meet for dinner after we checked in with the Divisione Frodi people, first. We got into our Fiat rental and headed for the meeting.

“Benvenuti a Roma, miei amici. Sono il capitano della polizia, Alfonzo Dente. But a-you canna justa call me, Al.”

Capitano Dente filled us in. Since March of 2013 he had tripled detective forces assigned to the Rome Vice Squad. He went on to detail how his people in Frodi were tracking suspicious banking transactions originating from a newer hospital for prickly heat sufferers and some massive cash transfers between gay bath houses, a Soros affiliate up in Milan and a Motel 6 in Vatican City. He closed with an an account of 8 poofster clerics from America who each bought a pink Ferrari the week before and were spotted cruising near late night dives all over the Eternal City.

“Those are the guys I’m-a calla your boss about, Sergente Friday. They all came here last month from Chicago to work in the Ufficio della Liturgia in the Vatican. We a call-a them the Rosa Cupichini Mafiosi.”

“Anything else, Capitano?”

“Just-a dees. One o’ dees-a frauds was a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton in 2016. He’s-a name ees-a Shecky Silvetstein. I dinna know Jorge was ordaining rabbis these-a days but dees fairy has a full beard, wears expensive evening gowns and never takes off-a his biretta in the bars. We ran a heestory and he is a CPA specialist in offshore banking through, how you say?, shell corporations? Oh, one more theeng. Hees-a brother was on an INTERPOL watch list two years ago. Suspicion of running guns for Mossad, into Red China.”

Bill and I thanked our host, got into our Fiat and headed for the Avenging Angels Restaurant. We pulled up and went straight into the bar room. Lent or not, we each ordered a magnum of the local favorite, Giulina Prosecco.

(Cue DRAGNET theme)

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2 comments on “DRAGNET in Sunny Nuovo Roma

  1. GPM ! Glad Joe and Bill,made it to Rome and are enjoying themselves! The eight poofsters in Ferraris from Chicago sound like a Cupich advance team ! He always likes to run around town in style! There are a bunch of new gay bars in Roma for him to visit when he visits! Here at CTU we are wondering if one of those poofsters was Tobins Tweet Buddy ! We are still trying to pin that down ! On the home front, we have invited McElroy to bl

  2. Bless the submarine pens off Point Loma by helicopter! We are going to have him dressed in a black wet suit, to resemble a harbor seal , and as the helicopter flies over the nuke boats, at Point Loma, he may slip out of the helicopter and fall into the ocean ! We will have a pod of Killer Whales 🐳 waiting under the helicopter! Bye Bye Amoris Laetitia! Keep me informed on the progress of Joe and Bill ! And if they run into Spadaro or Soros’s henchman deal with them as they see fit !

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