The Pope praises the Eccles blog

Saturday, 17 February 2018

The Pope praises the Eccles blog

In some conversations in Chile, faithfully transcribed by Fr Antonio Spadaro, Pope Francis has lavished praise on this, the Eccles blog.”So many Catholic blogs faithfully record everything I say or do,” explained the Holy Father, “and this leads readers to conclude that I am a heretic. On the other hand, there isn’t a word of truth in Eccles’s lovely blog, from beginning to end. Therefore readers of it do not question my orthodoxy, my sanity, or my fitness for the role of Deputy God and Corrector of Catholic Teaching.”

Fr Spadaro catches up on “Eccles”.

“As for the other blogs,” continued the Pope, “I don’t even read them. I’m too busy not reading letters from Cardinal Burke, and from people in Chile. It takes me several hours every day to not read anything that comes my way. My loyal sidekick Spadaro, the Jeeves to my Wooster, the Robin to my Batman, and the Fool to my King Lear, does all my reading for me, don’t you, Boy Wonder?”

“As for that book by Marcantonio Colonna – and we know who you are, it didn’t take us long to spot someone riding round Rome in a 16th century costume – well, I haven’t read that at all. But I can assure you that it is false from beginning to end, especially the bit about my being caught in General Galtieri’s wardrobe dressed as a nun. Or was it my being caught in a nun’s wardrobe dressed as General Galtieri? Anyway it never happened.”

Not the best way to be inconspicuous in Rome.

“Reading Eccles’s blog, on the other hand, has kept me sane. It is full of spiritually nourishing advice, and many of the ideas he comes up with provide inspiration for my own policies. I ask myself ‘WWED’ – ‘What Would Eccles Do?’ and then try to take it even further.”

“Well, that’s all I’ve got time for now, I need to go out and insult a few more Catholics. Luckily Eccles has drawn my attention to a fine 19th century list, which includes terms such as ‘goldfish-catcher’, ‘turnip shepherd’ and ‘proprietor of midgets’. I must try and work these into my next homily.”

The Amoris Cube – an Eccles invention – is harder to solve than the Rubik cube.

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2 comments on “The Pope praises the Eccles blog

  1. Robin: Holy macaroni, Batman!

    Batman: Indeed. But it’s Marcantonio, to be precise, Robin. Marcantonio Colonna.

    Green Hornet: Batman is a master of precision. Watch carefully, Kato.

    Robin: Who is Marcantonio Colonna, Batman?

    Batman: An interesting question, old chum. And one we must consider carefully.
    The author of The Dictator Pope has chosen a nom de plume of some significance.

    Batman: Has your History or Religion teacher at Fordham Prep acquainted you with the Battle of Lepanto, by any chance?

    Robin: Gosh, Batman, we’ve been spending so much time translating Cicero in Latin class I think I might have missed that.

    Batman: Well, we can’t have you falling behind in the study of History. Because it just so happens that the Battle of Lepanto was one of the most important events in the 16th century, Robin.

    Batman: And Marcantonio Colonna was a rather significant figure in the Battle of Lepanto, leading the Holy League to victory, giving him great significance for modern Europe, along with Don Juan of Austria and Sebastiano Veniero. Certainly all high school sophomores should know the significance of October 7th, 1571 A.D.

    Green Hornet: Batman is a stickler for turning points in history, Kato. Even though the Boy Wonder has been devoting a lot of time to translating Cicero for his Latin class at Fordham Prep, there’s no excuse for not knowing about the Battle of Lepanto.

    Kato: Even though Frankfurt Schoolers and Alinskyites have tried to replace History with Social Studies?

    Hans Küng: I would like to address that…

    Father Mulcahy, S.J.: Oh, Father Gannon never would have allowed that at Fordham back in the old days…

    Catwoman: We mustn’t let the Boy Wonder fall behind in his studies.

    Batman: I’ll put a call through to his History teacher at Fordham Prep on the Batphone to have a chat about it.

    Batman: Fordham Preparatory School? This is Batman. I would like to speak with Robin’s History teacher.
    Yes, I’ll wait….

    King Henry VIII: A lot of important things happened in the 16th century.

    Luther: We had a few rumbles.

    Thomas More: You can say that again.

    St. Ignatius Loyola: Of course, I was in school much of the time then.

    Shakespeare: So was I.

    Sir Francis Bacon: I remember it well.

    Galileo: Of course, I spent considerable time studying at home and at Vallombrosa Abbey with the Benedictines, although we did not call it an “option” in those days…

    Batman: Indeed. You could say that the 16th century and the dilemmas of modernity are closely entwined.

    Robin: Gosh, Batman, I’ll have to make a point of spending more time on the history of the 16th century, catching up.

    Batman: Fortunately, I have this annotated bibliography from the Society for the Study of the Reformation and Counter-Reformation right here.

    Four or five hours of review should get you up to speed on the basics…

  2. Howl, another classic! LOL!

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