DRAGNET Visits the CDF

My name’s Friday. I carry a biretta. It was 9:32 AM when the call came in from the Rome precinct. My partner, Bill Gannon, carries a biretta, too. Cops need undercover disguises more often than Hollywood imagines.
We were working the day watch outta Bunko. Msgr. Magnapasta ran the show at CDF and wanted backup. Gannon and I discussed how it might go down while we made our way through traffic.
We arrived before 10, grabbed a quick cappucino and went up to the Msgr’s office. Nice place. Lotta tapestries.
The Msgr. introduced us to his staff. Good guys. The new, old breed, as we called them. All young and Thomists to the core. Bright, tough kids with a billion souls to straighten out. But they were confident in their mission.
After the previous pope was sent packing back to South America following his last tango in Paris, an event even cable news channels were too embarrased to put on the air, the new boss, Pope Tyrannus – a former Olympic boxing gold medalist and Force Recon Major in the Corps, prior to ordination in the SSPX – went through the Vatican with a shotgun. Within a month, the College of Cardinals looked more like a one room schoolhouse than the “Club Med / Havana” it became after 2013. Yeah, things were lookin’ up.
“Here’s the latest intel from the pope’s man in Washington, Friday. The USCCCP, as soon as His Holiness fired 75% of the bishops in America and Europe, left us a little going-away present. Cute, eh?”
Magnapasta gave Gannon and me a copy of the file to take back to our office for further study. Bill’s eyebrows peaked as he glanced through the introductory remarks from the nuncio, another former combat officer. Royal Marines, in fact.
The Msgr. walked us to the elevator. As we got into the car Joe showed me a page from the file with a map of all the clandestine feminazi “seminaries” the USCCCP had been running under the guise of vocational beautician schools in various inner-city areas. Chicago, Boston and San Diego each had a half dozen of ’em, all funded through misleading titles Bill and I immediately recognized as CCHD front organizations.
“Says here, Joe, the Conference set a launch window for next year to put these priestesses into rural parishes. Makes sense, y’know? That way, if the folks in the pew revolt the PR damage is a lot easier to contain.”
I didn’t say much. I was still mulling over the page I’d glanced at, back on the elevator. The USCCCP had actually voted, in a private Executive Session, to install Caitlyn Jenner as the new President of Notre Dame.
I asked Bill to remind me to call the Msgr. and ask him to advise the new pope to re-watch the scene from “Jaws” where Roy Schneider realizes the crew was gonna need a bigger boat.
Yeah, promising as he was, Pope Tyrannus and his Barque was going to need a mine sweeper before this reform effort sank while beginning to get underway…
(To be continued…)

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8 comments on “DRAGNET Visits the CDF

  1. Great ! Keep the good news flowing ! Wonderful Story ! Between Cupich, FrankenPope, and the rest of his minions, the Church resembles THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD 💀! There needs to be a GIANT SHAKEUP NOW !

  2. Dragnet in the cathedral of Archbishop Vincenzo Paglia, President of the “new and improved” Pontifical Academy for life and also of the Pontifical Pope John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and Family:


  3. Bill Gannon: Hey, Joe, what’s with all the folk guitars in church these days?

    Sgt. Joe Friday: Commies like to blur the distinction between religious worship and entertainment. They figure if the average parishioner realizes they can get the same thing from the Ed Sullivan Show or the Smothers Brothers they’ll stay home and watch TV.

    Bill Gannon: Well, I guess that’s good news for Ed Sullivan and the Smothers Brothers.
    Too bad for the Church though.

    Sgt. Joe Friday: And for the parishioners. 10:30 on a Sunday morning is too early to hear the equivalent of Joan Baez and Peter, Paul, and Mary on Quaaludes singing “Be Not Afraid”.

    Bill Gannon: I guess so, Joe. But the times they are a changing’. We gotta keep up with the youngsters and hipsters.

    Hans Küng: I would like to comment on that.

    Sgt. Joe Friday: Does that include the prissy tambourine banger keeping beat to “Be Not Afraid”?

    Bill Gannon: Well, we’ve got to keep up with the times. If the bishop signs off on the insurance risk on gender-bender religion, we’ve got to go along with what he says. If that means a little folk music at Mass, well, Joe, we’ve got to go along.

    Father Mulcahy, S.J.: Actually, there’s no requirement from Vatican II for folk music at Mass.

    Bishop Barron: What’s wrong with a little Bob Dylan at the folk Mass?

    Father Sarducci: Or the Byrds. They keep beat with tambourines.

    Sgt. Joe Friday: Well, that may seem fine to you, safe and smug in your office at Georgetown or Boston College, reading Commonweal, or in whatever neo-modernist hole you crawled out from. But for the hipster who’s fried his brain from toking on too much sinsemilla it’s a trip to Betty Ford or an insane asylum with all the brain damage that liberal hipsterism can bring,

    Spicoli: Whoa! Why is that dude so retentive and righteous all the time?

    Sgt. Joe Friday: Come in for landing, son. The air’s a lot cleaner in reality. But for stoner slacker weedheads like you, always looking for another party, thinking paradise is a cross between Venezuela and Castro’s Cuba, while you fry your brain with high-octane weed, it’s too hard to deal with. I know times are tough, son, with all the aspartame and mercury in your brain. But try mowing lawns or get a paper route. Wake up, get sober, and be part of reality. It’s just the world we live in.

    Bill Gannon: You know what you need, Joe?

    Sgt. Joe Friday: What’s that?

    Bill Gannon: You should find out your Enneagram number.

    Sgt. Joe Friday: How’s that?

    Bill Gannon: They’ve got these Enneagram seminars now. Tells you all about your personality and behavior patterns. It would do you a lot of good, Joe. Might even help you find the right gal.

  4. LOL, Howl! Great graphics and text!

  5. Great 👍! Both of you have hit upon a winner ! Looking forward to more adventures of the Dragnet team !

  6. CLASSIC…especially that last pic of Joe Friday. A picture is worth a thousand words.

  7. For anyone too young to have experienced the original Vatican II folk guitar Mass, this is pretty close to what we had every Sunday at St. Luke’s:

    Peter, Paul, and Mary LIVE 1965 Puff the Magic Dragon:


    Peter, Paul and Mary
    Blowin’ in the Wind LIVE 1965


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