FAKE NEWS: Pope Francis At Mass: ‘Jesus Is Metaphorical, Not Literal’

[FAKE NEWS: Pope Francis At Mass: ‘Jesus Is Metaphorical, Not Literal’]

No proof Pope Francis said Jesus is metaphorical

[Although there are some bits of truth and satire in the article at yournewswire.com/pope-francis-jesus-not-literal ]

By Amy Sherman on Wednesday, November 22nd, 2017

Did you hear what Pope Francis said now?

Multiple Vatican cardinals have declared Pope Francis a false prophet after he made yet another controversial statement, according to an article making the rounds on Facebook.

Pope Francis at Mass: ‘Jesus is Metaphorical, Not Literal,” says the Nov. 18 headline in YourNewsWire, a fake news website that says it delivers “news truth unfiltered” and highlights conspiracy theories.

Facebook users flagged the post as being potentially fabricated, as part of the social network’s efforts to combat fake news. YourNewsWire has made up other stories about famous people, including that Vladimir Putin had said Pope Francis was “not a man of God.”

The article said that the statement made by Pope Francis “is the latest in a long line of unconventional statements.” The article includes various other alleged controversial statements by the Pope and stated he has been “spreading Satanic doctrine.”

We searched for information about the alleged statement by Pope Francis and found no proof and only other websites repeating the same story.

We emailed the contact persons listed on the YourNewsWire website and called the listed phone number, but received no reply. We also attempted to track down a spokesperson for the Holy See and did not hear back.

While the Yournewswire headline is fictional, in real life Pope Francis has made several controversial statements documented by major news outlets.

“He has radically transformed the tone of his office, making a number eye-raising gestures and pronouncements that have liberals cheering and conservatives shaking their heads,” the Washington Post stated in 2015.

His statements that have drawn debate include the topics of atheism, sexuality, abortion, climate change and divorce. “If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?” he said in 2013.

But in this case, we could find no evidence that he uttered the words in the headline, “Jesus is Metaphorical, Not Literal.” We rate this headline [Liar, Liar] Pants on Fire.

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7 comments on “FAKE NEWS: Pope Francis At Mass: ‘Jesus Is Metaphorical, Not Literal’

  1. This is good news. So we can all relax now and take a few deep breaths. Fortunately, Pope Francis is not the Antichrist because, as Martin Luther pointed out, Pope Julius II, Pope Leo X, Adrian VI, Clement VII, and Paul III were all “the Antichrist” in the 16th century. It is just a simple function of logic that if Pope Julius II, Leo X, Adrian VI, Clement VII, and Paul III were all the Antichrist in the 1500s, that Pope Francis has to be in the clear. This is perhaps the foremost advantage of Protestant eschatology.

  2. Pope Francis grants permission for smoking cannabis in new encyclical Fumemus in jubilatione

    Holly Beth McQuackly
    National Catholic Toker
    November 25, 2017



    Vatican City – In a gesture which surprised many Vatican observers, journalists, and theologians, Pope Francis granted approval for smoking marijuana in a new encyclical Fūmēmus in jūbilātiōne. The announcement baffled some Catholic journalists since the Holy Father had banned sales of tobacco cigarettes in a previous executive order for the Vatican state. Pope Francis has been known for initiating unexpected changes to Catholic rules and teachings and this encyclical fits with that Bergoglian pattern.



    Father Guido Sarducci, a veteran Vatican expert and professor of moral theology at the Gregorian University in Rome, said that, “the official papal approval of cannabis had been in the works for some time” and was the product of a Jesuit research unit from the Gregorian, Georgetown, Fordham University, and Boston College.



    Late night television host Stephen Colbert questions Father Guido Sarducci on the encyclical Fumemus in jubilatione which grants official approval of marijuana smoking.

    “This is the year of mercy,” Father Sarducci explained, “and divine mercy is something very close to the Holy Father’s heart. Yeah. He wants everybody to get high. Precise details on how the new policy will implemented will be forthcoming around Christmas. You know, incidentally, Frankincense was one of the gifts presented by the three Magi to Jesus. Some scholars have speculated that they added a little cannabis as a sweetener.”

    Father Philip Morris, S.J., a Classics master at Stonyhurst College, was more circumspect. “We need to study chapter eight of Fūmēmus in jūbilātiōne to evaluate whether this applies only to cannabis or whether tobacco, hashish, cloves, and other herbs will also be covered by the new guidelines. If tobacco is still prohibited, we also need to consider whether those who have quit smoking tobacco cigarettes but who fall back into the habit after commencing a conjugal relationship with a smoker will be admitted to Communion since continuing as a smoker may be essential to maintaining that relationship.”

    “There is an aspect to Fūmēmus in jūbilātiōne which is neo-Kantian and transcendental,” Father Guido Sarducci continued, “but it is in keeping with the ideals of ‘Integral Humanism’ as outlined by Jacques Maritain, the modernist Spirit of Vatican II and aggiornamento. The new rules may appeal to young people and encourage them to take a second look at Catholicism. As the Holy Father has written, “if someone is following their conscience and seeking God and smokes marijuana occasionally, who am I to judge?”



    California stoner Jeff Spicoli agrees. “Whoa! Now that the Holy Father is pro-weed, I may even get back to Mass, man.” In tribute to Fūmēmus in jūbilātiōne, the Holy Father has approved an official, commemorative Vatican brand of cannabis, Bergoglian Gold which will be available at kiosks and shops throughout Rome juts before Christmas.

    • LOL! Oh, man. Sending to friends …

    • From the Truth-Is-Sranger-Than-Fiction-Or-Satire Dept.:

      Some high-church Episcopal churches (such as the Cathedral of Saint John Divine in New York City) occasionally add some marijuana along incense in the censer so that they are “high” in more than one way.

      Also, the Ethiopian Coptic Zion Church (which originated in Jamaica and came to the United States through Florida) regards smoking cannabis as a sacrament (instead of receiving Holy Communion in the Eucharist).

    • Spliff, mahn!



      Ganja, no xenophobia!

  3. Update:



    “Needless to say, Fūmēmus in jūbilātiōne took a lot of Catholic theologians by surprise ,” Father Guido Sarducci continued, “but as the Holy Father can tell you, God is a God of surprises. Pope Francis reminds us of that a lot, no?”



    Father Guido Sarducci, professor of moral theology at the Gregorian University in Rome, explains the new encyclical Fūmēmus in jūbilātiōne, which grants papal approval for smoking cannabis, to American comedian Bill Murray.

    “There are even plans for a special commemorative papal bong, shaped in the likeness of Pope Francis, which should be available by Christmas. It also comes with a commemorative leather pouch where people can store their stash. They make great stocking stuffers,” Father Sarducci explained.



    “But not to be outdone, the Vatican is going all out to cultivate ecumenical dialogue with our Protestant brothers and sisters, so in honor of the 500th anniversary of the Protestant Reformation, Pope Francis has approved an official, commemorative Martin Luther Zippo lighter, with the same image of Martin Luther which graces the Vatican stamp commemorating his break from Rome in 1517 A.D. on Halloween, no less. Yes, Luther was kind of into the whole trick or treat thing. And if you call right now, you get one absolutely free with any order of the Pope Francis commemorative bong or Bergoglian Gold.”



  4. “Pope Francis is full of surprises. But official papal approval for cannabis smoking helps to shed light on why the modernism in Amoris Laetitia seems like a product of half-baked theology.”

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