New Orleans Archbishop: ‘Unfiltered thoughts slice hearts’

New Orleans Archbishop: ‘Unfiltered thoughts slice hearts’

[Making his affirmation of adherence to the Bergoglian Partiynyyliniya (Party line) before the upcoming semiannual USCCCP Partiynyysbor (Party gathering)]

Catholic World News – 11/6/17

“It’s painful to hear people question Pope Francis’ teaching,” said Archbishop Gregory Aymond of New Orleans. “He has been faithful to the teachings of the Catholic Church and our long tradition.”

Source: Clarion Herald

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5 comments on “New Orleans Archbishop: ‘Unfiltered thoughts slice hearts’



  1. Master Po: What is troubling you, Grasshopper?



    Kwai Chang: I am confused, Master.



    Master Po: Are you still puzzling over whether Ward Cleaver or the pipe of Mister Steve Douglas is the more closer representation of J.R. Bob Dobbs of the Church of the SubGenius?





    Kwai Chang: No, Master. But I am wondering if “unfiltered thoughts slice hearts” then how is it that Nancy Pelosi’s and Joe Biden’s hearts are still beating?



    Master Po:Strange are the ways of the cycle of karma, are they not, Grasshopper?
    One day Mia Farrow decides to enter a relationship with Frank Sinatra and then with Woody Allen, only to discover years later that she is living in a real-life Woody Allen movie. Who is to say what is real and what is illusion?



    Kwai Chang: Forgive me, Master. For surely I do not know for certain.



    Master Po: What can we ever know for certain, Grasshopper? Indeed, what is certitude? If a monkey did not climb the banana tree, would he ever truly find the banana?



    Kwai Chang: This is a trick question of Zen Buddhism, is it not, Master? Like that familiar Zen koan is a tree falls in the forest and no one is around does it make a sound. Or perhaps you are hinting at the Platonic form of the ideal banana?







    June: Ward, is this the banana that Wally’s new teacher is passing around in that Health class at school?



    Ward: Wally?



    Wally: Gee, Dad, Beaver wasn’t supposed to tell you about that. Miss Weld has us reading the Kinsey Report.



    Ward: Kinsey Report?





    Captain Kirk: Kinsey Report? Mister Spock, analyze using your superior Vulcan logic which we no longer call “superior” in public discussions in order to avoid being accused of excessive rigidity and neo-Pelagian triumphalism by sensitive liberals and progressives less familiar with Aristotelian logic who might consider it a triggering event or microaggression….



    Spock: A 20th-century document on mating rituals, Captain. Would you prefer the long or short version?



    Robin: Kinsey Report?

    Batman: This will have to wait until you are a little older, Robin. Don’t you have some Latin homework from Fordham Prep that you should be working on.



    Miss Weld: I wonder if Wally needs help with his homework….



    Kwai Chang: Was this the same banana that the money was reaching for, Master?



    Master Po: We will start over again from the beginning, Grasshopper. For long is the quest for inner strength in the Tao of virtue, as the great philosopher Lao-Tzu has explained in the Tao Te Ching.



    Reverend Neuhaus: That’s my opening….Forgive me for interrupting again as aggressive and pushy professional Protestant converts sometimes do, but speaking as a semi-recovering former Lutheran familiar with the pitfalls of eliminating reason and logic from discussions of religion, this might be a good time to discuss the Naked Public Square in modernity, Max Weber’s concept of disenchantment in modern culture, and Professor Taylor’s secularization theories….




    • The riddle of J.R. “Bob” Dobbs is contained in the names of the founders (per Wikipedia):
      “The Church of the SubGenius was founded by Ivan Stang (born Douglas St Clair Smith) and Philo Drummond (born Steve Wilcox)[3] as the SubGenius Foundation.”



  2. Master Po: What is troubling you now, Grasshopper? Did you not find the banana demonstrations by Wally Cleaver’s Health class teacher informative?

    Kwai Chang: I am confused by something else, Master.



    Master Po: We have discussed Zen Buddhism, Taoism, and Confucianism at great length, Grasshopper. What is it, therefore, that you remained puzzled about?





    Kwai Chang: Forgive me, Master. These are all great riddles and mysteries. But why have college students found Steve Martin’s “King Tut” prank novelty song from Saturday Night Live in 1978 to pose problems for political correctness, multiculturalism, and cultural appropriation?



    Steve Martin: That truly is wild and crazy!



    Master Po: Perhaps we must read more of the Tao Te Ching of Lao-Tzu, Grasshopper, before we will be able to know these things.



    Jean-Paul Sartre: King Tut?





    Robin: Holy Cleopatra, Batman!

    Batman: King Tut must be back in Gotham City and up to his old tricks.



    King Tut: Did someone call my name?



    E.A. Wallis Budge: I think it was Batman.



    Catwoman: I wonder why Batman is looking for King Tut…



    Catwoman: Why are you culturally appropriating King Tut and Egyptian antiquities, Batman?



    Batman: I’m afraid I can’t tell you that, Catwoman.



    Catwoman: Why not?



    Batman: Because it’s a secret.



    Catwoman: Let’s not play childish heads games like keeping secrets from one another. What could be so secret that you can’t tell me, your greatest admirer?





    Bruce Wayne: Man cannot live by Latin and Greek authors alone.



    Professor Toynbee: A valid point.



    Plato: Are we cool with that?





    King Tut: Let’s have some fun with Batman.



    Gomez: Oh, yes. He should join Morticia and me for an evening reading the works of Albert Camus, Edmund Husserl, Sigmund Freud, and Erich Fromm!



    Kwai Chang: And this is forbidden by political correctness, Master?



    Brave Sir Robin: Well, it’s only a work of fiction and satire.



    Steve Martin: Remind me to issue a comedy warning next time.



    Kwai Chang: And comedy is forbidden by political correctness?



    Master Po: In time, when you have mastered all riddles, you will snatch the pebble, Grasshopper. Until then we have much to study.







  3. Master Po: Is there something else puzzling you, Grasshopper.

    Kwai Chang: Yes, Master.





    Master Po: Well, come now, let us not keep secrets. You must tell me what it is, Grasshopper.



    Kwai Chang: Forgive me, Master. But why would American college students seek to accuse comedian Steve Martin of culturally appropriating King Tut and ancient Egyptian antiquities in order to score cheap points of virtue signaling for anti-colonialist political correctness?



    Master Po: The wheels of karma give rise to many strange things in the passing of time, do they not, Grasshopper? For long is the quest for inner strength in the Tao of virtue, as the great philosopher Lao-Tzu has explained in the Tao Te Ching. We must keep our attention focused in the quest for mindfulness, Grasshopper. If there were no Road Runner, would we ever learn Stoic lessons from the follies of Wile E. Coyote?





    Kwai Chang: I cannot be certain, Master.



    Master Po: Why are you not certain, Grasshopper?



    Kwai Chang: Because David Hume has forbidden me to be certain about metaphysical matters, Master.



    Master Po: Then I shall put it to you another way, Grasshopper. If we had never met Foghorn Leghorn, would we ever discover the genius of Henery Hawk?



    Daffy Duck: Master Po may have a point there.



    Kwai Chang: I cannot be certain, Master.



    Master Po: Why are you still not certain, Grasshopper? And why do you say it in such a passive-aggressive way like you are proud of it?



    Kwai Chang: Perhaps I have not read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance as carefully as I should have, Master, and have not yet experienced satori sufficiently to be worthy of such knowledge. Perhaps if you were not so passive-aggressive yourself, hiding your diminutive stature in the closet of this monastery, you could explain it to me and the other novices so that we would have the answer you desire from us.



    Master Po: Frankly, Grasshopper, I am shocked! SHOCKED to hear such passive-aggressive insolence in a novice in the Shaolin monastery!



    Jeff Spicoli: Whoa!





    Foghorn Leghorn: Now, Boy, pay attention closely ’cause we’ll be doin’ a lot of appropriatin’ before this day’s over!





    Captain Kirk: Mister Spock! See what you can find on Steve Martin’s “King Tut” as a microaggression in early 21st-century Frankfurt School theory…. I’ll want a complete analysis using your usual superior Vulcan logic which we no longer call “superior” in public discussions in order to avoid being accused of neo-Pelagian triumphalism and excessive rigidity by sensitive liberals and progressive modernists who might be less familiar with Aristotelian logic due to changes in curriculum from the Land O’Lakes conference and who, therefore, might view displays of logic as triggering events and microaggressions …



    Dr. Jung: King Tut?



    Catwoman: Cultural appropriation? Does this mean that we’ll have to take off our costumes?

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