Will He Be the Next Pope?

Will He Be the Next Pope?


Manila Cardinal Luis Antonio Tagle (60), Curia Cardinal Robert Sarah (72), and the Vatican secretary of state, Cardinal Pietro Parolin (62) are possible candidates at the next conclave, writes Sandro Magister.

According to him Parolin has the best chances because he has managerial skills to pilot the Church through the confusion created by Francis, and he would – so Magister – correct Francis’ lurches without betraying his “spirit”.

Compared to Francis Tagle would be too much of the same according to Magister, while Sarah is too Catholic in order to reach the consent of two thirds of the mostly liberal-realtivistic cardinals.

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6 comments on “Will He Be the Next Pope?

  1. Next pope? Naw. Leave it empty for a few years after Bergoglio departs for warmer places. Let things calm down, take some time to survey the disaster, wait for some cardinals to die. Right now, you can count on one hand the number of bishops who have the faith and care about the flock. OK, maybe two hands. So what’s the point of electing a worse-than-Bergoglio?

  2. What does it mean : Parolin “would correct Francis’ lurches without betraying his “spirit”. What is a “lurch”?

  3. Gomez Addams: Cara Mia, have you seen Lurch lately? I’ve been looking all over for him.

    Morticia: Gomez dear, I believe Uncle Fester corrected Lurch for something. He got quite upset. You know how sensitive Lurch is.

    Gomez: Oh! I told Fester we need to correct Pope Francis’ lurches. I hope Lurch is OK.

    Uncle Fester: Stand up straight, Lurch. Now you got it. What if people thought you were a heretic or something?

  4. Captain Kirk: Mister Spock! Possible candidates for the next pontificate…. Analyze, using your usual superior Vulcan logic which we no longer call “superior” to avoid triggering sensitive liberals and progressive Social Justice Warriors less familiar with Aristotelian logic, due to changes in curriculum, who might consider such displays of logic to be oppressive microaggressions and signs of excessive rigidity.

    Spock: Fascinating, Captain. While there are many possible progressive candidates and all rumors about the Holy Father appointing Father James Martin, S.J., as his hand-picked successor, it is possible that the Holy Father will convene a special papal commission to screen candidates for their fidelity to Amoris Laetitia and allegiance to his modernist agenda.

    Captain Kirk: Papal commission?

    Spock: Of course, there are rumors that the Holy Father will abolish the College of Cardinals in order to select Nancy Pelosi as his successor and the first female pope.

    Hans Küng: I am still available.

    Father Mulcahy, S.J.: Father Küng is a progressive and card-carrying modernist as well.

    Father Fitzgibbon: What about Bob Hope? He looks good in fancy costumes.

    Father O’Malley: Are Shriners allowed to become pope?

    Mike Brady: Oh, I hadn’t thought about that….

    Father Fitzgibbon: Did they teach any courses on canon law at St. Mary’s?

    Sister Mary Benedict: Bob Hope would have made a very entertaining Pope.

    Father O’Malley: Well, Bob grew up before Vatican II and only converted late in life.
    He might have some difficulty grasping the neo-Kantian dialectic of Bergoglio’s situation ethics in Amoris Laetitia.

    Captain Kirk: Would that be a problem, Mister Spock?

    Spock: Only for his staff. It is not entirely clear that Pope Francis grasps the neo-Kantian nature of his situation ethics in Amoris Laetitia.

    Captain Kirk: To boldly go where no progressive modernist Social Justice Warrior has gone before…

    Barney Rubble: Hey, Gazoo, it’s OK if the secret societies install a puppet as Pope who has no clue what he’s doing with neo-Kantian situation ethics, isn’t it?

    Fred Flintstone: Sure, Gazoo. It’s not like something the Illuminati have never done before.

    Barney Rubble: Could they make Bertrand Russell pope, if they wanted to?

    The Great Gazoo: They can make anybody Pope!

    Barney Rubble: Look, Fred. I’m the next pope!

    Opie: Paw! Paw! The Illuminati have made Barney Pope!

    The Great Gazoo: Would you like to be the next Pope, Shaggy?

    Professor Husserl: Is he up to date on phenomenology?

    Professor Kant: That could be a problem.

    Kierkegaard: Let’s think this through…

    Doctor Strangelove: I am also available und I can read and speak German fluently.

    Descartes: Pope Shaggy I?

    Reverend Neuhaus: That’s my opening….Forgive me for interrupting again as aggressive and pushy professional Protestant converts sometimes do, but speaking as a semi-recovering former Lutheran familiar with the pitfalls of eliminating reason and logic from discussions of religion, this might be a good time to discuss the Naked Public Square in modernity, Max Weber’s concept of disenchantment in modern culture, and Professor Taylor’s secularization theories….

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