Will the real Vladimir Putin please stand up

Will the real Vladimir Putin please stand up

[Will the real Vladimir Putin please stand up]

Christian, Communist or opportunist?

Putin attends consecration of church dedicated to martyrs of Communism

Catholic World News – May 31, 2017

Patriarch Kirill of Moscow has consecrated a new church in Moscow dedicated to Christ’s resurrection and the martyrs slain under Soviet Communist rule.

The church, dedicated during the centenary year of the Bolshevik Revolution, is located on the grounds of Sretensky Monastery in Moscow. Joseph Stalin’s regime destroyed most of the churches on the grounds of the 14th-century monastery.

Russian President Vladimir Putin attended the consecration, as did bishops of the Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia (ROCOR). The New York-based church separated from the Moscow Patriarchate in 1927 after the latter pledged its loyalty to the Communist regime; ecclesial communion between the patriarchate and ROCOR was restored in 2007.

* * *

Putin and the Plaque

Toby Westerman

Putin’s Russia is on the move. Despite the embarrassment of America’s recent attack on two Syrian airbases, Moscow continues its military alliance with the People’s Republic of China, its active subversion in Europe and, to a lesser extent, in the United States and its involvement in Latin America.

Putin has always been a Communist: Putin and other Russo-Reds against the backdrop of the Communist hammer and sickle

The question of Putin’s motivation behind these acts of international aggression is, however, by no means settled. Many devout Catholics still see Putin as a defender of Christianity and oppressed believers.

Others regard the Russian president and his government as only a group of crooks holding on to power solely to increase their personal wealth. Russian dissident (and former chess grand champion) Garry Kasparov supports this view. Kasparov, in his book Winter Is Coming, declares that “Putin is not an ideologue. He wants to rule like Josef Stalin but lives like Roman Abramovich [fabulously wealthy oligarch and Putin crony].” (1)

Some consider Putin as a would-be Tsar, other observers characterize the Russian leader simply as a power-hungry fascist.

With all due respect to the above analysts, including Mr. Kasparov, this writer believes that Putin is a communist who, despite his personal greed and that of his friends, is seeking to re-form a Soviet State, which would also have close ties with other communist governments, especially the Peoples Republic of China.

The starkest indicator of Putin’s Communism is affixed to the exterior of the headquarters of Russia’s Foreign Intelligence Service (in Latin characters transliterated from the Cyrillic, SVR). It is a bronze plaque honoring one of the most notorious Soviet spies operating during the Cold War.

A plaque dedicated to spy Kim Philby

The plaque was dedicated in December 2010 and bears the inscription, “I look back on my life as given to the service of a cause that I sincerely and passionately believe is right.” The plaque commemorates the British traitor Harold Adrian Russell Philby, or simply Kim Philby, as his friends knew him.

The head of the SVR, Mikhail Fradkov, unveiled the plaque. Russian press reports stated that Philby, who fled to the Soviet Union in 1963, had worked with “young intelligence officers” and had even founded his own espionage school. Philby was described in the Russian press as “legendary.”

Philby was certainly no ordinary spy, as his funeral in 1963 attests. Philby was buried with full Soviet military honors, including a KGB honor guard, which fired three volleys over his grave. The honors accorded him appeared to verify reports that Philby was, in fact, a KGB general. During the funeral he was eulogized as “a great internationalist and famous Soviet intelligence agent.”

The present importance of Philby comes from the timing and location of the memorial. Putin’s campaign of Soviet reverie was in full swing, as was the commemoration of Soviet espionage heroes. Of all those honored, none received honors as did Philby, who was thus revered as a special example to all present Russian intelligence agents.

Philby’s career not only exemplified an unwavering faith in Communism above all else (including marriage and close friendships), but also acknowledged that a communist had to be politically flexible. Mistakes would happen, even leaders would fail the communist ideal. Philby’s ultimate faith in Communism, and the flexibility of that faith, are essential qualities for today’s Russian spies.

Today, the Russian spy system is little different from the Soviet era. After the collapse of the Soviet Union there was no important change in tactics or strategy. Moscow continued to turn out elite intelligence officers who would be indistinguishable from the citizens of target nations. Spy cities – training centers which appeared in every respect to be towns located in the target nations – continue to exist. Russia and, earlier, the Soviet Union are the only States which train spies with this level of sophistication.

The Philby plaque gives a clear idea of what holds this system together: not money (but it is certainly welcome), not honors (a long-term undercover intelligence officer is by his/her chosen career may not ever be recognized), and not even friendship (the spy betrays his friends in the target nation, as did Philby), but a belief in an ideal, a “cause” – as Philby put it, that eclipses all else.

It may seem fantastic that individuals can give themselves over so completely to a system that consistently fails, but this reality became public when Putin sang the de facto KGB anthem with the 10 deep-cover spies who returned to Russia after their 2010 arrest in the U.S.

Putin, the 10 arrested in 2010, those still undercover and those operating under official cover (rezidentura) are working for the eventual triumph of a World Communist State.

The “cause” lives.

1. Garry Kasparov with Mig Greengard, Winter Is Coming, Why Valdimir Putin and the Enemies of the Free World Must Be Stopped, New York: Public Affairs, 2015. p. 8.


  1. Perestroika!
    When the “president” and the robe-draped KGB agent dedicate a monument to the victims of Uncle Joe and Volodya, you shouldn’t assume they’re praising resistors. No, they’re simply remembering the need to “break some eggs to make an omelette.” I.e., they’re praising their sacrifice to the Revolution.

    More to the point, it’s for the useful idiots who want to say that Russia has reformed herself. Total hooey.

  2. The paradox wrapped in an enigma was a basket case for centuries before Schiff’s funding from NYC and the German High Command “exported” Lenin back to the Rodina in his own choochoo.

    Whether Westerman is correct or not is not so easily discernible as he would have his readers think. At least I find it so, having read several biographies of Putin in recent years.

    I’ll buy nationalist, hyper-patriot and plays-well-with-goons but am not quite as certain that it’s all a masquerade intent on reviving the Revolution of 1917.

  3. As for reforming itself, or the lack thereof, I am largely in agreement with our erstwhile editorialist, Cyprian. That situation is, at best, spotty.

  4. Jim Phelps: The Russians gave the order for the San Francisco Giants to bean Bryce Harper? An anonymous source told Anderson Cooper at CNN? Well, it must be true then….

    Barney: Why did the Russians want the Giants to bean Bryce Harper?

    Dr. Bellows: Obviously to distract attention away from Jared Kushner.

    Jim Phelps: Obviously, Vladimir Putin, like Donald Trump, is secretly a New York Mets fan, Barney. The Commies want to keep Harper on edge to give an advantage to the New York Mets in the National League East. These international Communist conspiracies can get very complicated.

    Boris Badenov: Is devious, no?

    Boris: Harper is now suspended for several games!

    Natasha Fatale: You are most devious Communist master of dialectic, my Bolshevik darling!

    What is next move in plan?

    Boris: We send email to order Comrade Brennan to leak more classified information!

    Natasha: And after that?

    Boris: We go to safe house in Georgetown for next phase of Alinskyite master plan in Cloward-Piven strategy to crash civilization.

    Natasha: What deviousness waits in dialectic, my Bolshevik darling?

    Boris: We set up next bondage honey trap for decadent Western bourgeoiskis. You stay here, while I find more useful idiots…

  5. Natasha Fatale: Why is Comrade Putin helping New York Mets by ordering San Francisco Giants to bean Bryce Harper, my Bolshevik darling?

    Boris: With Harper suspended for charging mound and throwing batting helmet, will break spirit of Washington Nationals fans, no?

    Boris: Now I must plan next move in Alinskyite master plan!

    Fearless Leader: We must break spirit of all decadent Western bourgeoiskis through demoralization and corruption of morals and standards!

    Boris: Just as Comrade Gramsci and Frankfurt school theorists describe!

    Agent Scully: How did the Russians get the order to the San Francisco Giants to bean Bryce Harper?

    Jim Phelps: Well, Dana, they were hidden inside the Howdy Doody puppets that the llluminati smuggle into Washington for the Pedogate parties at foreign embassies attended by Washington insiders and members of the mainstream media.

    Cinnamon: Won’t that arouse suspicion, Jim?

    Jim: Well, most big media journalists are also perverts so they tend to help cover these things up.

    Jim: We’ll need you, Cinnamon, to infiltrate one of these elite pervert parties in Washington.

    Cinnamon: What disguise will I be wearing?

    Jim: It’s an Alice in Wonderland costume. Rollin will come with you dressed as Howdy Doody.

    Jim: You think you’re up for this, Rollin? The Howdy Doody costume might attract a lot of attention since it’s a trigger for Skull and Bones initiates familiar with gnostic rituals.

    Rollin: I guess so.

    Jim: If you get into trouble just use some of this laughing gas on the pervs.

    Cinnamon: Won’t that be dangerous, Jim?

    Jim: Only if you agree to go the pizza place with one of the perverts.

    Rollin: How do I look, Jim?

    Jim: That should be fine. Just be careful. Some of the pervs really go for that puppet stuff.

    Jim: Of course, if you or anyone else in the IM force should be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions…

  6. Boris Badenov: We must get ready for master plan in Alinskyite dialectic and Cloward-Piven strategy to crash civilization.

    Natasha Fatale: Does big Communist in Moscow tell you way to safe house in Georgetown?

    Boris Badenov: Is here on map.

    Boris: I must check emails…

    Natasha: But tell me, my Bolshevik darling, why do the Illuminati use Howdy Doody puppets at elite deviant parties in Washington?

    Boris: Easier to keep attention away from covfefe.

    Natasha: You must tell me more of deviousness of dialectic, my Bolshevik darling!

    Boris: But first we must launch subversion and disinformation operation of Long March through decadent Western bourgeoiski institutions, as Comrade Gramsci and Frankfurt School social theorists have explained!

  7. Boris Badenov: Aha! Here are Hillary and Podesta emails!
    Comrade Clinton look funny in Rocky Horror Picture Showcostume!

    Natasha: You think leather hood with zipper mouth look sexy, my darling?

    Boris: Will alarm decadent bourgeoiskis, no?

    Natasha: But I thought NYPD sent email and photo files from Weiner’s laptop to Comey at FBI?

    Boris: They have disappeared and Comey has cleared Comrade Hillary of all charges!Is devious, no?

    Natasha: You must teach me this devious mastery of Alinskyite dialectic, my Bolshevik darling!

    Boris: Who is next Alinskyite puppet to leak classified information?

    Barry: With Alinskyite puppets in seventeen different intelligence agencies all sharing unmasked spying data, there’s no shortage of leaks of classified information….

    Barry: I just hope no one investigates the Obama Files on Orwellian spying and surveillance of American citizens….

    Barry: Does that say “General Mike Flynn”?

    George: Did someone mention puppets?

    For our next act…if you thought totalitarianism and Communism were just things of the past….

  8. Classic, Howl ! I hope our techno-wizards here might put together a collection of your priceless comic wit! This really needs to reach a wider audience.

  9. Natasha Fatale: What is next part of plan in Alinskyite Cloward-Piven strategy?

    Boris: Is big secret and devious plan from big Communists in Moscow.

    Natasha: Tell me, my Bolshevik darling, what is big secret plan from Moscow?

    Boris Badenov: Is very big secret from Moscow for making fools of decadent bourgeoiskis.

    Natasha: Better than bondage honey trap to blackmail decadent bourgeoiskis?

    Boris: That is good trap. But this is much better.

    Natasha: What could be better plan?

  10. Natasha Fatale: Did you see Comrade Putin make fool of Amerikanski journalist Megyn Kelly?

    Boris: Big KGB spymaster from Moscow make good show, no?

    Natasha: But why does Amerikanski journalist dress like Las Vegas stripper for NBC job?

    Boris: Maybe she think Comrade Putin target for decadent bourgeoiski honey trap!

    Natasha: But KGB spymaster is too smart for bourgeoiski stripper journalist, my Bolshevik darling.

    Boris: That is why he is KGB spymaster, no?

    Natasha: But why is Amerikanski journalist not interested in Seth Rich murder?

    Boris: Alinskyite sleeper agents have been too busy laying false trail of Russia narrative to take attention away from pervert rings and Seth Rich investigation.

    Natasha: So what is next part of plan?

    Fearless Leader: Good question, Natasha.

    Boris: You will go to elite pervert party in Washington to lay traps for useful idiots.

  11. Natasha Fatale: But why did Comey make fool of self in Amerikanski show trial hearings?

    Boris Badenov: By playing role of bourgeoiski wuss afraid to be alone in room with Trump he has taken attention away from decoy NSA leaker

    Natasha: And this will keep Master Plan big secret for Moscow, no?

    Boris: That is plan. Will keep decadent bourgeoiskis running around in circles and down rabbit holes for months. Is genius, no?

    Natasha: You must teach me more of this deviousness of Alinskyite dialectic, my Bolshevik darling!

    Barry: It’s a good thing that he didn’t leak any of my files or memos.

    Agent Scully: Why did Comey reveal that he leaked the memo?

    Jim Phelps: Well, Dana, Rollin was standing in the back of the room dressed in a Howdy Doody puppet costume. This acted as a trigger for his hypnotic programming to kick in for the diversion and distraction of the memo leak revelation.

    Agent Scully: A Howdy Doody puppet?

    Rollin: How did I look, Jim?

    Jim Phelps: You did fine. Just be careful at the elite pervert party at the embassy tonight. Some of the pervs really go for that puppet stuff.

    Agent Scully: This isn’t the same party I’m supposed to attend in a Dorothy costume from The Wizard of Oz, is it?

    Natasha: So puppet as trigger is key to plan, no?

    Boris: Next time we use Kermit the Frog. He is funny puppet. I go as Kermit the Frog, no?

    Agent Mulder: If you’re nervous about this Wizard of Oz thing at the embassy party, I could always come with you as Toto or the Tin Man.

    Jim Phelps: That’s a good idea, Dana. These situations can get dangerous.

    Agent Mulder: Well, what do you think…Toto or the Tin Man?

    Jim Phelps: You can go dressed as the Scarecrow or Luke Skywalker. Whatever you’re into. As long we track down those files. and get some hard evidence.

    Natasha: With decadent bourgeoiskis running around in circles, you think of Kermit the Frog puppet costume?

    Boris: We send Rothschild Illuminati puppets on false trail. Is code, no?

    Meanwhile, we confuse Moose and Squirrel!

    Agent Mulder: Madam Secretary, I need to take a look at your computer and server to check your emails.

  12. LOL, How! Another classic.

    Considering what a San Diego talk show host said only a short while about the impression he had of certain senators and their star witness today – that it was unnerving to think that these egomaniacal dollards are the only thing standing between the public and ALL of our enemies – I will be voting for Moose & Squirrel next time around.

  13. Natasha Fatale: But why does Amerikanski FBI director have such emotional animus toward President Trump?

    Boris Badenov: Twitter bullying by bourgeoiski president get under skin, no?

    Natasha: But what is FBI director’s Enneagram number that make him drama queen so much at hearings?

    Harry Callahan: There’s a word in American English for that type.

    Ted: Oh, there’s a word for it, alright…

    Garfield: I wonder what that could be?

    Harry Callahan: I’m just sayin’…. When you don’t refer Hillary for criminal charges to the Justice Department, it does come to mind…

    Eddie Haskell: I’m sure there were valid reasons why the FBI director did not refer Hillary for indictment on felony charges, Mrs. Cleaver. She and her husband have quite a body count in the wake of their white trash Dixie mafia background. No one would blame an emasculated Illuminati puppet in Washington for not standing up to Loretta Lynch and Hillary.

    Natasha: Is brown-noser and big drama queen, yes. But what is Enneagram number?

    Dr. Bellows: Calculating Enneagram numbers sometimes takes an entire weekend.
    It took considerable time for Oscar Ichazo and Claudio Naranjo to develop what G.I. Gurdjieff picked up from the Sarmoung Brotherhood on the gnosticism of the Enneagram. Come to think of it, I have a copy of Ichazo’s “Enneagon of Ego Fixations” which could be very useful for the unusual case of Major Nelson….

    Father Mulcahy, S.J.: Well, if it is true that he left his Catholic faith for some version of Protestantism, he could be a combination of the Reformer or Perfectionist type and the Achiever in which a mixture of the ego fixations of vanity and resentment can sometimes come into conflict when there are unresolved or neurotic dilemmas, as there often can be for emotional drama queens….

    Natasha: That could be useful for Alinskyite dialectic if both Amerikanski FBI director and big bourgeoiski president are Perfectionist types in Enneagram.

    Boris: We play big drama queen and Twitter bully against each other, both seeking neurotic public approval, no?

    Natasha: Is good plan for Moscow, yes?

    Boris: I hack into Twitter page and emails to send more insults and emasculating comments!

  14. Küng Fu: Modernism the Legend Continues

    Master Po: What is troubling you, Grasshopper?

    Kwai Chang: I am confused, Master. If the FBI director is a Number One type in the Enneagram, why did he play the role of a wuss in the hearings?

    Master Po: Ah, Grasshopper, if elephant is afraid of mouse, it is not wise to stand in front of him when he begins to run in fear. For who can know the way to San Jose, Grasshopper?

    Kwai Chang: I do not know, Master. I was so busy practicing Jethro Tull flute runs that I did not have time to study this part of Zen Buddhism. Is it a trick question?

    President Trump: For the last time, that is not what I said in our private meeting. What I said was…if you cannot promise me your loyalty, I’ll have to grab you by the…..

    Oh, no! Don’t go there, sir! That’s what almost cost you the election!

    Stuart Smalley: Ok, let’s all pause for a moment and take some deep breaths….
    Maybe the FBI director needs to take a timeout and find a safe space to practice some self-affirmation exercises to rebuild his self-esteem….

    Natasha Fatale: So seeing Howdy Doody puppet triggered wuss personality from MKUltra programming, no?

    Boris Badenov: That is part of plan of Alinskyite dialectic and Cloward-Piven strategy. With wuss types in key positions of influence, decadent Western bourgeoiskis implode like House of Cards, no?

  15. Natasha Fatale: Decadent Western bourgeoiski House of Cards will fall from devious Alinskyite dialectic, yes. But if Seth Rich leaked DNC emails to WikiLeaks then Russia did it narrative is Alinskyite smoke bomb to cover trail, no?

    Boris Badenov: That is why Comrade Brennan leak more classified files to keep smoke puffing around decadent bourgeoiski president and campaign team.

    Maxwell Smart: He leaked the classified files? Then he must be working for KAOS!
    We better tell the Chief.

    Maxwell Smart: Chief, you’ll never believe who has been leaking classified files to push the Russia narrative…

    The Chief: That’s why I want you to go with 99 to a party at the embassy tonight.

    The Chief: We need you there tonight, Max. It could be dangerous so be careful.

    Max: Well, Chief, 99 and I have been on plenty of dangerous missions before.
    That’s our job.

    The Chief: As soon as you change into the Howdy Doody costume, we can go over tonight’s schedule and plans, Max.

    Maxwell Smart: A Howdy Doody costume? Couldn’t I go as Zorro or Batman?

    The Chief: I’m afraid it has to be a Howdy Doody costume, Max. Rollin from the Mission Impossible Force team will explain the details for you.

    Max: A Howdy Doody puppet?

    Max: What costume do they want you to wear to the embassy party, 99?

    99: Little Red Riding Hood.

    Max: I just knew I should have worn a Batman costume.

    Siegfried: Schmart is now a prisoner of the dialectic!

  16. Natasha Fatale: Now that Russia narrative is falling, what is next part of plan in Alinskyite dialectic and Cloward-Piven strategy, my Bolshevik darling?

    Boris Badenov: There is still more mischief in Alinskyite dialectic for impeachment, no?

    Attorney General: Well, now that this Russian narrative is behind us, we need to allocate federal resources to addressing the greatest threat to civilization – hippies smokin’ weed.

    Dennis: I thought ISIS was the greatest threat, man.

    Jack: It is.

    Attorney General: We just have to get back to the serious business of putting long-haired hippie-dippies smoking weed in jail. Sometimes they don’t even clip their fingernails.

    Maxwell Smart: Hippies smoking weed?

    Dylan: Look out, kids!

    Rod Serling: I may have to quit smoking before we finish this episode of The Twilight Zone.

    Peter: And taxes, man. The Tax Man wants you to pay up to keep the Orwellian state
    and war machine going for the empire.

    Jack: Oh, they need the taxes so that NASA can back-engineer the UFO free energy teleportation technology that the oil companies don’t want you to know about ’cause they can’t make money out of it….

    Fred: Yeah, tell us, Gazoo, how do they have time to allocate resources to go after hippies smoking weed when the Illuminati are still bringing terrorists into the country?

    Natasha: That is good plan.

  17. Natasha Fatale: Crazy and demented Alinskyite psycho becomes unhinged taking target practice at Republicans in congressional baseball game. Is part of Alinkskyite Master Plan, no?

    Boris Badenov: Or just crazy Bernie supporter driven mad by liberal media. Maybe he big Rachel Maddow fan and watch MSNBC too much.

    Natasha: Is part of Alinskyite dialectic and Cloward-Piven strategy to crash civilization?

    Boris Badenov: I send email to big Communists in Moscow!

    Robert Wilson: Come quickly!

    Robert Wilson: I just saw Boris and Natasha out on the wing! I think they’re plotting to take down this airplane.

    Maxwell Smart: Boris and Natasha?

    Julia Wilson: Maybe you just need a drink of water.

    Robert Wilson: Honey, I know what I saw. There was a cartoon Boris and Natasha right out on that wing with a cartoon Moose and Squirrel. I think they may be the same Russians who hacked the election.

    Rod Serling: Submitted for your inspection… You’re sitting in an airplane during a flight when a man behind you says that there are cartoon Russian spies out on the wing plotting to help Donald Trump become President of the United States….your next stop…The Twilight Zone!

  18. Boris Badenov: Amerikanski president get big win from Supreme Court ruling.

    Natasha Fatale: He is tough bourgeoiski.
    What happens now that pee pee dossier is traced back to firm of Comrade Hillary supporters?

    Boris: That make pee pee dossier fake news by Alinskyite nogoodniks, no?
    Big implosion at CNN.

    Natasha: You must tell big Communist in Moscow! They give you Order of Lenin medal, no?

    Boris: I send email to Moscow. Comrade Putin must hear good news from me personally.

    Natasha: Don’t forget, my Bolshevik darling….Number 2 man at Amerikanksi FBI get big payoff for diverting Comrade Hillary email investigation and Alinskyite fake news investigation of bourgeoiski General Flynn!

    Number 2: I don’t know anything about that.

    Dr. Evil: That wasn’t us?

    Boris: Is different Number 2. We confuse decadent Western bourgeoiskis, no?

    Number 2: Well, we might have helped out with the Russia narrative at CNN a little…

    Maxwell Smart: Number 2 has been feeding them the Russia narrative? Then he must be working for KAOS. We better tell the Chief!

    Austin Powers: But who does Number 2 work for, baby?

    Maxwell Smart: Chief, you’ll never believe who has been feeding the Russia narrative to CNN, MSNBC, and The New York Times.

    The Chief: I know, Max. That’s why we need you to go to an elite party at Dr. Evil’s pervert island. He’s invited some of the top perverts from the Illuminati.

    Max: Pervert island?

    Max: I just knew that Howdy Doody costume would get us into trouble, 99!

    Vanessa Kensington: We better go help Max, Austin.

    Austin Powers: Yeah, baby! Yeah!

    • Boris Badenov says:

      Big implosion at CNN.

      [More details from The Wrap; hat-tip to Christine Niles’ June 27, 2017, Headlines at Church Militant: “CNN Journalists Resign Over Fake News: Claims of a congressional investigation of Trump officials’ ties to Russia were false”]

      Three CNN Employees Resign Over Retracted Story on Russia Ties

      “CNN has accepted the resignation of the employees involved in the story’s publication,” a network spokesperson says

      Itay Hod | June 26, 2017

      Three CNN employees have handed in their resignations over a retracted story linking President Trump to Russia, the network announced Monday.

      The article was removed from CNN.com on Friday after the network decided it could no longer stand by its reporting.

      “In the aftermath of the retraction of a story published on CNN.com, CNN has accepted the resignation of the employees involved in the story’s publication,” a network spokesperson told TheWrap in a statement.

      On Thursday, CNN investigative reporter Thomas Frank published a story involving an investigation into a Russian investment fund with possible ties to several Trump associates.

      According to the network, an internal investigation found that “some standard editorial processes were not followed when the article was published.”

      Citing a single unnamed source, the story reported that Congress was investigating a “Russian investment fund with ties to Trump officials.”

      The story, which only appeared on the network’s site, was quickly disputed on Friday, as one Trump ally Anthony Scaramucci — who was mentioned in the story — pushed back on Frank’s reporting, insisting he “did nothing wrong.”

      “Once it was determined that editorial processes were not followed, CNN deleted the story from CNN.com,” the network said Friday on its site. “Soon thereafter, the story was officially retracted and replaced with an editor’s note.”

      The piece “did not meet CNN’s editorial standards and has been retracted,” the note said. “Links to the story have been disabled.”

      CNN blamed the mistake on a “breakdown in editorial workflow,” explaining that that “these types of stories” did not go through the usual departments such as fact-checkers, journalism standards experts and lawyers.

      The gaffe cost three employees their jobs: Frank, who wrote the story, Eric Lichtblau, a unit editor, and the person in charge of the unit, Lex Haris.

      The network’s investigative unit was told during a meeting on Monday that the retraction did not necessarily mean the facts of the story were wrong. But, rather, “the story wasn’t solid enough to publish as-is,” according CNN.com.

      Haris, Lichtblau and Frank had solid reputations among their colleagues.

      Frank worked as reporter for USA Today and Newsday before joining CNN. Lichtblau is a former New York Times Pulitzer-Prize winning reporter. And Haris was a former executive editor of CNNMoney.

      “On Friday, CNN retracted a story published by my team. As Executive Editor of that team, I have resigned,” Haris said in a statement. “I’ve been with CNN since 2001, and am sure about one thing: This is a news organization that prizes accuracy and fairness above all else. I am leaving, but will carry those principles wherever I go.”

  19. Natasha Fatale: Bourgeoiski president make Twitter storm for Alinskyite media talking heads on Amerikanski cable news.

    Boris Badenov: Alinskyite talking heads get cranky and hide their joy, no?

    Natasha Fatale: But now that pee pee dossier is exposed as fake news, Alinskyite sleeper agents behind unmasking plan lawyer up for show trials in Amerikanksi congress and senate.

    Boris Badenov: Bourgeoiskis make good show for C-SPAN.

    Fearless Leader: We must corrupt morals and standards for Long March through Western institutions to keep decadent Western bourgeoiskis confused and demoralized as Comrade Gramsci and Frankfurt School social theorists explain.

    Boris Badenov: That is good plan.

    Natasha Fatale: Husband of Comrade Hillary has pee pee dossier. He like to show his pee pee to airline stewardesses, interns, and campaign workers.

    Boris Badenov: Good thinking, Natasha.

    Fearless Leader: Now that Trump pee pee dossier is fake news, we find other ways to impose long march of Frankfurt School to crash civilization with Cloward-Piven Strategy and Alinskyite dialectic.

    Maxwell Smart: They’re looking for a new pee pee dossier? They must be working for KAOS. We better tell the Chief.

    Max: Chief, now that the pee pee dossier has been exposed as fake news concocted by a firm connected with Comrade Hillary, you’ll never believe what KAOS has planned.

    The Chief: I know, Max. A new pee pee dossier. Agent 13 told me. That’s why we need you and 99 to get to work right away infiltrating pervert island to find out what you can about their plans.

    Dr. Evil: Oooooh, Maxwell Smart? I’m shaking in my boots.

    Dr. Evil: How many pee pee dossiers do we have?

    Number 2: I’m not exactly sure. Mustafa handles all of the paperwork we do for the Illuminati.

    Mustafa: I told you. We sent the pee pee dossier to the FBI.

    Matt Helm: Mustafa sent the pee pee dossier to the FBI? Well, where did he get it?

    Sgt. Joe Friday: Our informant wasn’t able to tell us that part yet.

    Deputy Barney Fife: Andy!!!

    Sgt. Joe Friday: Look, the sooner you confess, son, the easier it will be on you.

    Matt Helm: Mustafa sent the pee pee dossier to the FBI. But the ones shooting at us are from the Illuminati. They’re upset because the pee pee dossier was their key to keep the totalitarian march to global socialism and Orwellian tyranny going.

    Natasha Fatale: But I thought Mustafa was working for KAOS to confuse decadent Western bourgeoiskis.

    Boris Badenov: He is. KAOS is front for Illuminati. Is devious, no?

    Natasha Fatale: You must teach me more of this deviousness of Alinskyite dialectic, my Bolshevik darling!

    Boris Badenov: I send email to big Communist in Moscow.

    Austin Powers: Alinskyite dialectic is groovy, baby!

    Sgt. Joe Friday: Madam Secretary, we need to take a look at your server and emails.

  20. Natasha Fatale: Now bourgeoiski president post fake video body slamming CNN, triggering new Twitter storm and media hysteria.

    Boris Badenov: Maybe he will challenge Jake Tapper and Anderson Cooper to wrestling match. Don King could promote pay per view match for WrestleMania fans, no?

    Natasha Fatale: They have wrestling match in Atlantic City or Vegas?

    Boris Badenov: Will distract decadent Western bourgeoiskis while Alinskyite dialect and Cloward-Piven strategy crash Western civilization. Is devious, no?

    Dr. Evil: Pay per view? That could really help recover losses in the ratings wars.

    Dr. Evil: Can we rig the odds on that?

    Number 2: I don’t see any reason why not. But the Donald could easily handle Jake Tapper or Anderson Cooper. They’d barely make it out of the first round.

    Dr. Evil: Shall we say…. one billion dollars?

    Number 2: I think we can afford to go higher than that on the wager, Dr. Evil…

    Austin Powers: Body slamming?

    Boris Badenov: Is good plan. A merger of politics and professional wrestling.

    Natasha Fatale: What could go wrong?

    Inspector Clouseau: But first we must find Madam Secretary’s emails.

    Inspector Clouseau: You will notice that Agent Maxwell Smart is wearing a Howdy Doody puppet costume.

  21. Natasha Fatale: Alinskyite talking heads in Amerikanski media are energized by reports of Donald Jr. arranging meeting with Russian lawyer, no?

    Boris Badenov: Alinskyite dialectic is devious and shameless. Maybe Amerikanski media have new pee pee dossier?

    Inspector Clouseau: A nouveau pee pee dossier?

    Eddie Haskell: I’m sure it’s just another Commie trick, Mrs. Cleaver. You’d be surprised how many liberal teachers are actually Fifth Columnists and fellow travelers of the International Communist Conspiracy. Including that bombshell new teacher for the Health class who has been doting on Wallace in very forward ways after school…

    June Cleaver: Eddie!

    Natasha: Maybe Alinskyite media talking heads photocopy new pee pee dossier.

    Dr. Evil: Again? Just how many freakin’ pee pee dossiers do we have?

    Number 2: As I said before, Dr. Evil, Mustafa handles all of the paperwork we do for the Illuminati.

    Dr. Evil: Well, where is Mustafa?

    Mustafa: I told you. We sent the pee pee dossier to the FBI.
    Would one of Dr. Evil’s smarmy lackeys lie about something like this???

    Dr. Evil: He’s got a point. The things we do for the cause of global Evil…

    Boris Badenov: They steal decadent bourgeoiski president’s mojo from big summit conference meeting with Comrade Putin, no?

    Maxwell Smart: Another fake news pee pee dossier? Brother, this is like Chinese water torture. The Alinskyites in the media must be working for KAOS. We better tell the Chief.

    Max: Chief, you’ll never believe what the Alinskyite media talking heads have cooked up this time.

    Max: Why are you looking at me funny like that, Chief? Don’t tell me you know and I’ll have to put on that silly Howdy Doody puppet costume again.

    The Chief: I know, Max. Another pee pee dossier. You have time to change into the Howdy Doody costume before your plane leaves.

    Max: I asked you not to tell me that, Chief.

    Agent Scully: What flight do they have Max on, Mulder?

    Agent Mulder: You’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking, are you?

    Boris Badenov: Decadent bourgeoiski Maxwell Smart look funny in Howdy Doody puppet costume. Natasha, you will go to elite party at pervert island too. Set honey traps for more useful idiots.

  22. Natasha Fatale: With Alinskyite talking heads in Amerikanski media making hysteria over Donald Jr. meeting with Russian lawyer, we need decadent bourgeoiski theme song to celebrate vibes of crazy liberal fake news, no?

    Boris Badenov: Paul and Ringo release new digital version of Beatles “Back in the USSR”?

    Natasha Fatale: Why not “Young ‘n’ Russian” by decadent bourgeoiski British pop band The Korgis?


    Boris Badenov: We send to MTV by email. Increase tourist revenue for Moscow, no?

    Natasha: I recommend you for Order of Lenin medal to big Communists in Moscow!

  23. Natasha Fatale: Russian lawyer was given approval to enter U.S. by Alinskyite Justice Department of previous Bolshevik president, no?

    Boris Badenov: They are devious. Alinskyite dialectic make trouble for bourgeoiski president. Send decadent Western bourgeoiski media around in circles.

    Natasha Fatale: We send message to warn top Amerikanski agents at NBC, Comrades Ace and Gary.

    Ace: Прохожие пропускали шествие, считали венки, крестились.

    Gary: It’s a good things no one will suspect us.

    Maxwell Smart: Ace and Gary? They’ve got the new pee pee dossier? This story just keeps getting fruitier. They must be working for KAOS. I better tell the Chief.

    Maxwell Smart: Chief, you’ll never believe…

    The Chief: I know, Max. Ace and Gary have the new pee pee dossier.

    Max: You know about that already?

    Austin Powers: Pee pee dossier?

    Inspector Clouseau: I must inform La Sûreté Nationalein Paris at once!

    Inspector Clouseau: You must connect me with La Sûreté Nationale in Paris…

    Maria Gambrelli: Maybe we should have called Interpol first…

    Agent Scully: Ace and Gary have the new pee pee dossier? Well, where did they get it?

    Agent Mulder: They must have some fruity connections with the International Communist Conspiracy.

    Eddie Haskell: Oh, you’d be surprised, Mrs. Cleaver. I hear that some of the fruity P.E. teachers at school are Fifth Columnists and fellow travelers of the International Communist Conspiracy.

    Austin Powers: Alinskyite dialectic is groovy, baby!

    Inspector Clouseau: There is something fruity going on with this Russia story and I shall not leave until we find out exactly what it is…

    Dr. Evil: Where is Mustafa?

    Number 2: We’re still trying to track him down, Dr. Evil.

    Mustafa: Alright! Alright…we passed a copy of the pee pee dossier to Ace and Gary at NBC….

  24. Joe Mannix: Ace and Gary?

    Steve McGarrett: That’s right, Mannix.

    Mannix: Well how did Ace and Gary get the pee pee dossier?

    Perry Mason: Paul Drake is tracking that down…

    Paul Drake: It’s complicated, Perry.

    Sam Spade: Commie fruitcakes hid it inside a falcon bookend.

    Sgt. Joe Friday: Well, where did the Commie pinko perverts hide the falcon?

    Sam Spade: This all leads back to Boris and Natasha. Understand?

    Hercule Poirot: Indeed! It is part of a conspiracy so vast that even the conspirators themselves have trouble believing the story!

    Boris Badenov: All pee pee dossiers lead to Moscow, no?

    Mrs. Iselin: Where did you hide the pee pee dossier, Raymond?

    Raymond Shaw: I can’t remember….

    Major Marco: They’re all Queen of Diamonds now, Raymond…

  25. Natasha Fatale: With so much focus on Donald Jr. meeting with Russian lawyer will interrupt Alinskyite media’s vacations in Martha’s Vineyard, no?

    Boris Badenov: Alinskyite talking heads are devious. Would sell own mothers for smoking gun on Russia story.

    Natasha Fatale: What happened to days when Comrade Gorbachev could do no wrong and was going to save world from bourgeoiski warmonger Reagan?

    Boris Badenov: Big Communist had media moxy. Make Amerikanski media talking heads eat out of his hand, no?

    Natasha Fatale: Now nine months later Alinskyite media talking heads are still search for new Russian pee pee dossier.

    Columbo: What did happen to the new pee pee dossier?

    Gary: It’s a good thing they’ll never suspect us of being Communist agents!

    Columbo: It’s the funniest thing about Russian pee pee dossiers from opposition research firms connected with Hillary supporters…

    Mustafa: Alright! Alright…we passed a copy of the pee pee dossier to Ace and Gary at NBC….

    Hercule Poirot: Aha! Then Ace and Gary must have a copy of the Russian pee pee dossier!

    Sgt. Joe Friday: Where exactly did Ace and Gary say they got this Russian pee pee dossier?

    Bill Gannon: This may not be an ordinary Russian Commie pee pee dossier, Joe.

    Barnaby Jones: I was gonna warn you about that.

    Perry Mason: There are some strange things in here. Della, we better call Paul Drake to get on this right away.

    Mrs. Iselin: Where did Ace and Gary hide the new pee pee dossier, Raymond?

    Raymond Shaw: I can’t remember….

    Sam Spade: He can’t remember because this whole scam leads right back to Boris and Natasha and their Alinskyite comrades at the opposition research firm that cooked it up!

    Columbo: Oh. I thought those two looked suspicious.

    Number 2: Boris and Natasha?

    Mannix: They said they were going to Martha’s Vineyard for the weekend.
    Something about an elite costume party on pervert island….

    Vanessa Kensington: We have to find that dossier, Austin!

    Austin Powers: Groovy, baby!

  26. Natasha Fatale: Why doesn’t Amerikanski Justice Department file felony charges against Comrade Hillary? She use Illuminati membership card to stay out of jail, no?

    Boris Badenov: Alinskyite comrade is devious. Maybe she use pilfered FBI files to blackmail bourgeoiski Republicans?

    Sam Spade: She’s in deep with the Illuminati. There’s no telling what that low-estrogen hag might pull if left out of her cage too long.

    Mustafa: Alright. Yes. She’s playing the Illuminati card. They just use Communism and Liberalism as fronts. They think the masses are all useful idiots and won’t notice.

    Columbo: Oh. Well, that explains the absurdly suspicious high body count and no prison time…

  27. Natasha Fatale: With Russian narrative still dominating Alinskyite cable news, Amerikanski FBI has released pervert email files from Weiner’s laptop.

    Boris Badenov: Nine months after election with most text redacted for security reasons. Alinskyite moles are devious, no?

    Natasha Fatale: What will happen to Alinskyite perverts?

    Perry Mason: They’re mostly redacted, Della. We better call Paul Drake…

    Columbo: Redacted? Oh, well, that makes the investigation more difficult…

    Sgt. Joe Friday: Well, why don’t you tell me what happened to the originals from the NYPD investigation?

    Bill Gannon: It’s doubtful the email files from Weiner’s laptop will ever see the light of day, Joe…

    Ace: Well, it looks like we’re in the clear.

    Gary: Boy, that’s a relief.

    Attorney General: Well, with all of that behind us, we can address the most serious problem facing civilization – hippies smokin’ weed.

    Maxwell Smart: Hippies smoking weed?

    Columbo: Oh…

    Sam Spade: That’s a diversion to keep them from looking at Hillary’s emails on Weiner’s laptop!

    Hercule Poirot: Yes, another Illuminati diversion which is so ridiculous and absurd that the secret society initiates themselves can hardly prevent themselves from laughing even as they say it and try to sell the cover story.

    Natasha Fatale: Decadent bourgeoiski trick to keep us on false trail?

    Boris Badenov: I send email to big Communist in Moscow.

    Austin Powers: Alinskyite dialectic is groovy, baby!

  28. Posted by Mary Ann Kreitzer on 7/28/17

    Exposed! Russia Paid for the Trump Dossier……and the Mainstream Media Goes Silent! Surprised?


    And check this out: Hermitage Capital CEO: Russia Paid Company That Made Trump Dossier By Newsmax – July 27, 2017

    The smear campaign against Trump was just that — a smear and fake news. And now we know that Trump wasn’t colluding with Russia. Russia was colluding to get Hillary elected. No wonder. She sold them our uranium for personal financial gain. Does anyone really believe a speech by hubby Bill was worth half a mill in rubles? Nope, Hillary used her position as Secretary of State to make big bucks for her and Billy Boy. It’s an M.O. that the Clintons have practiced since their earliest days in politics. And as they say, practice makes perfect — perfectly scandalous.

    Thank God she’s not president!

  29. Natasha Fatale: Amerikanski U.N. ambassador for Alinskyite regime was behind unmasking of names of Amerikanski citizens, no?

    Boris Badenov: Alinskyite puppets are devious. Make trouble for bourgeoiski president in Washington.

    Natasha Fatale: And now bourgeoiski Alpha Male Communications Director for Amerikanski White House give trash-mouth New Yorker interview with filthy comments on administration rivals.

    Boris Badenov: Will distract attention away from Pakistan spy ring in Democrat congresswoman office and Seth Rich investigation. I send email to big Communist in Moscow.

    Columbo: Oh. I thought those comments sounded deliberately funny. What happened to the Blackberries?

    Sgt. Joe Friday: Well, now, why don’t you tell us what happened after you received a copy of the pee pee dossier, son, and pick it up from there….

    Bill Gannon: Can we actually say pee pee dossier, Joe? Our show is syndicated in the afternoons….

    Gary: Are you sure they won’t suspect us?

    Ace: They can’t touch us. We’re a protected multicultural group.

    Barry: I hope the investigation into the unmasking of names of American citizens for political purposes doesn’t go too far.

    Sgt. Joe Friday: Well, now, you’re pretty high and far-out, even for a liberal hipster who likes to play by Saul Alinsky’s Marxist Rules for Radicals.

    Austin Powers: Alinskyite dialectic is groovy, baby!

    Sgt. Joe Friday: Is this your roach clip, son?

    Sam Spade: While the clowns in Washington are twiddling their thumbs, the real crooks are getting away with the loot to their elite hideaway on pervert island!

    Number 2: Pervert island?

    Mustafa: I can’t remember the directions. I’ve only been there once.

    Maxwell Smart: Pervert island?

    Vanessa Kensington: We’ve got to get to that island, Austin!

    Inspector Clouseau: What time does the plane leave?

    Boris Badenov: I check email.

    Maria Gambrelli: Are you sure you got the right directions to the party?

    Inspector Clouseau: There is something very funny going on with this pee pee dossier and we cannot leave until we find out exactly what that is.

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10 comments on “Will the real Vladimir Putin please stand up

  1. Natasha Fatale: Former British ambassador to Uzbekistan has said that DNC source for WikiLeaks was leak and not hack.

    Boris Badenov: They make trouble for Comrade Hillary and Comrade Debbie. But Alinskyite Number 2 man at Amerikanski FBI raid former Trump campaign manager’s house, no?

    Number 2: Number 2? This is the first I have heard of it.

    Boris Badenov: Is different Number 2. I send email to big Communist in Moscow.

    Inspector Clouseau: They are raiding Paul Manafort’s house?
    Where is the Attorney General?

    Attorney General: We’ve gotta get back to the serious business of cracking down on hippies smokin’ weed.

    Jack: What, marijuana?

    Spicoli: Whoa! Is he serious?

    Sgt. Joe Friday: Looks like you’re in a lot of trouble, son.

    Dennis: Uh oh. The fuzz, man.

    Inspector Clouseau: What about Comrade Hillary’s emails?

    Sam Spade: Why aren’t they raiding her house?

    Dennis: Alright. Just chill out. Let’s rap and maybe we can sort this thing out, man.

    Sgt. Joe Friday: I suppose you think we should be out busting real criminals while you and your hipster friends fry what’s left of your inactive brains cells, huh? Well, let me tell you something, Mister….

    Columbo: Oh. They haven’t searched Hillary’s house yet?

    Mannix: Why haven’t they searched Hillary’s house yet?

    Spicoli: Dude, I thought it was supposed to be legal in California and Colorado.

    Sgt. Joe Friday: It isn’t easy upholding the law in a modern democracy, son. It takes hard work. Maybe that doesn’t mean much to you with Skull & Bones running heroin ratlines from Afghanistan and Vietnam to line the coffers of their investment banking firms in New York. But for the cop on the beat it’s a thankless job busting lame slacker weed heads like you who think life is just another party. So maybe the Illuminati and the globalists game the system. Write to your congressman or type a letter to the editor. Join a softball team or volleyball club. Don’t just sit there frying your brain like there’s no tomorrow.

    Dr. Strangelove: We’re supposed to keep that secret.

    Ace: We can keep a secret. At least, no one expects us to have anything to hide.

    Natasha Fatale: Decadent western bourgeoiskis run around in circles while Alinskyite banksters go free.

    Boris Badenov: Alinskyite dialectic is good distraction, no?

    Mustafa: Alright. Alright. It was Seth Rich who was the DNC leaker.

    • Boris Badenov says:

      They make trouble for … Comrade Debbie.

      The long knives come out for Debbie Wasserman Schultz

      By Thomas Lifson

      A dog whistle of sorts has been blown, audible to Democrat pros, alerting them to the problem Debbie Wasserman Schultz has become for the political family. Coming from Politico, the Democrat insiders’ gazette, it will heard by all.

      In a long, scrupulously fair, even slightly sympathetic article (all the worse for DWS) on the “blowback” she is experiencing for numerous failures culminating in I.T.-gate, we learn that she’s become bad for business.

      Marc Caputo writes:

      “We wish she would go away and stop being so public by doubling down on negative stories,” Nikki Barnes, a progressive DNC member from Florida, who believes Wasserman Schultz left the national party “in shambles” while chair, culminating with the hack of DNC servers and the release of embarrassing internal emails by WikiLeaks in the 2016 campaign. As for Wasserman Schultz’s defense, Barnes said “none of this makes sense. It doesn’t sound like racial profiling … there must have been something for her.”


      The problem with the Awan case, Barnes said, is that it’s not just hurting the congresswoman. It’s drawing negative attention to a party still healing after last year’s shocking losses and the divisive Democratic primary when Wasserman Schultz appeared to favor Hillary Clinton over Bernie Sanders.

      “This adds to Debbie being re-branded as the Democrats’ disastrous destruction,” Barnes said. “Those of us on the DNC know we have to rebrand ourselves and earn the people’s trust. And unfortunately Debbie’s name does not scream trust. It screams power. It screams limited access. It screams WikiLeaks now. DNC lawsuit. It screams a lot of negative things to the public. That’s not how we want to rebrand ourselves.”

      Barnes said she couldn’t understand why Wasserman Schultz made herself a target of attention by becoming the lone Democrat to employ Awan. Wasserman Schultz then drew even more negative attention to herself by publicly threatening the Capitol Police chief with “consequences” in a dispute over an office laptop under examination from investigators.

      The drama ensured Wasserman Schultz would play a central role in a murky congressional summer “scandal” story playing out from Washington to Weston, her South Florida congressional district’s base.

      In fact, DWS is already wounded prey out on the D.C. savannah:

      Over the years, as her circle of trust shrank, loyalty became an ever-more precious commodity to Wasserman Schultz, according to former staffers and top Democrats in Florida and Washington. Now, Wasserman Schultz has become such a polarizing figure in her own party that some longtime Democratic allies, when contacted by POLITICO, struggled to say kind words about her or explain how and why she got into this latest jam. They describe a hard-working politician with a sharp mind but an equally sharp tongue and hot temper that leads her into otherwise avoidable dustups and troubles.

      Though admired by Democrats for her fierce advocacy of progressive causes, she nevertheless turned natural allies to enemies at the DNC, in the Obama White House and even in Florida, where she picked an explosive fight with top Democratic donor and trial lawyer John Morgan after she trashed his popular medical-marijuana initiative, seemingly without cause.

      “In politics, you’re as strong as your friends. And she doesn’t have as many as she used to. And that’s her fault,” Morgan said.

      Morgan and those who have known and observed Wasserman Schultz for decades say her demeanor began to change when she was DNC chair; power went to her head, they say, and mounting criticism then made her paranoid.

      People are now saying this sort of thing out in the open, and Politico makes it legitimate.

      DWS had better watch her back.

      Hat tip: Ed Lasky

  2. Natasha Fatale: Former Alinskyite DNC chairwoman have hot temper.

    Boris Badenov: Maybe she low on estrogen like Comrade Hilllary, no?
    But where are congressional Blackberries that Pakistani IT mafia use to spy on Amerikanski congressmen?

    Mustafa: I told you…I never saw the Blackberries.

    Austin Powers: But you have been to pervert island.

    Mustafa: Alright. Yes. I did get to visit pervert island.

    Austin Powers: What’s it like? Illuminati Lollapalooza?

    Sgt. Joe Friday: Just tell us where the Blackberries are, son, and we won’t have to waterboard you.

    Hercule Poirot: An answer which will lead us right to the conspirators!

    Dr. Evil: OK, who has the Blackberries?

    Maxwell Smart: Blackberries? Well, personally I prefer strawberries myself.
    Do you have any Blackberries, 99?

    Napoleon Solo: We’ll take it from here.

    Illya Kuryakin: We can hack into the emails from here.

    John Steed: Alright. We want the Blackberries.

    Emma Peel: Don’t try anything cute.

    Napoleon Solo: Outfoxed again.

    Illya Kuryakin: But we’re the good guys.

    Emma Peel: Have you actually seen what’s on those Blackberries?

    Maxwell Smart: Well, no. But I do have a baseball signed by Gil Hodges and Sandy Koufax.

    Siegfried: This is KAOS. And we intend to find those Blackberries.

    Maxwell Smart: Chief, it’s worse than we expected. KAOS may have the Blackberries.

  3. Captain Queeg: Blackberries? I didn’t realize someone was pilfering blackberries as well. We’ll deal with that AFTER we have accounted for all of the missing strawberries!

    Attorney General: We can count the strawberries but only AFTER we have put every hippie smokin’ weed behind bars.

    Captain Queeg: I said we’d count the strawberries first. Military OCD trumps civilian OCD.

    Captain Queeg: Now, as I recall, we were investigating who had access to the strawberries….

  4. Natasha Fatale: What will happen when Alinskyite moles in Amerikanski FBI read email files from Blackberries that Comrade Debbie’s Pakistani IT mafia have been using to blackmail decadent bourgeoiski congressmen?

    Boris Badenov: Maybe they have pervert email files already, no?

    Captain Queeg: Agent Maxwell Smart is a tough cookie. He’ll find the Blackberries.

    Professor Horkheimer: Things are going very well.

    Professor Adorno: Congratulations. The Alinskyite dialectic is running right on schedule.

    Matt Helm: Why is everybody fussing about blackberries?

    Agent Flint: Someone has to. They’re blackmailing congress.

    Captain Queeg: But before we get to chasing down the Russian collusion connection, we’re going to account for all of the missing strawberries.

    Steve McGarrett: We just want to ask you a few questions.

    Dr. Richard Kimble: Well, don’t look at me. I never saw any Blackberries.

    Danno: Just routine.

    Steve McGarrett: You’re wanted in Indiana, Dr. Kimble. Seems there was a problem with your wife. Ring any bells?

    Maxwell Smart: Can I get changed out of this silly costume now, Chief? It’s getting hot in here.

    The Chief: I thought you were looking for the Blackberries, Max.

    Maxwell Smart: Blackberries? Well, personally, I prefer strawberries, Chief.

    99: Oh, Max, the Chief wants us to find Comrade Debbie’s Blackberries.

    Siegfried: Schmart is looking for Comrade Debbie’s Blackberries?

    Maxwell Smart: Have you seen any Blackberries in there by any chance?

    Colonel Rosa Klebb: We must terminate Maxwell Smart and find the Blackberries first so that SMERSH can sell them to SPECTRE.

    Lt. Philip Gerard: Hold it, Kimble! You’re mixed up in this somehow.

    Dr. Richard Kimble: You’re wrong, Gerard. I’m innocent. Trust me, you need medication for OCD. Get some. Soon.

    Lt. Philip Gerard: Now, what do you know about the Russian collusion connections to the Trump campaign, Kimble?

    Sister Veronica: Tell me, Kimble, did you actually see this pee pee dossier?

    Dr. Richard Kimble: No, Sister. Maybe the one-armed man has it.

    Natasha Fatale: Decadent bourgeoiski doctor is in trouble again.

    Philip Marlowe: Listen, has anyone been in here recently asking about Blackberries or Seth Rich?

    Lt. Gerard: Kimble and that nun are mixed up in this. She’s probably a Maryknoller into Marxist Liberation theology or some Leftist cause. Where there are Marxists, Russians can’t be far behind. I’m gonna find them!

    Philp Marlowe: Doctor Kimble? How’s Kimble mixed up in the Russian collusion caper?

    Steve McGarrett: Russian collusion caper?

    Maxwell Smart: The old Russian collusion caper trick. It’s too bad Senator McCarthy didn’t live long enough to see this. Double Reverse McCarthyism.

    The Chief: Keep looking, Max.

    Major Marco: They’re all Queen of Diamonds now, Raymond.

    For Richard Kimble, Alinskyite dialectic and the Russian collusion narrative mean another day on the run from Lieutenant Gerard in a new town with a new name, an endless caravan of bus tickets and hitched rides to a new destination of cheap hotels, smoke-filled diners, clinging troubled women with jealous ex-boyfriends, and an uncertain future…

  5. Natasha Fatale: With Comrade Debbie’s Pakistani IT mafia exposed, Alinskyites play fascist card from playboy, no?

    Boris Badenov: Alinskyite dialectic is devious.

    Natasha Fatale: But before Amerikanski Alinskyites were claiming that decadent bourgeoiski president was Russian agent.

    Boris Badenov: Brash New Yorker president is no Bolshevik. Wait ’til they find files on Comrade Debbie’s Blackberries.

    Maxwell Smart: Comrade Debbie’s Pakistani IT mafia? Well, what do we need blackberries for?

    The Chief: Did you find the Blackberries, Max?

    Max: Well, no, Chief. Personally, I’ve always been partial to strawberries.

  6. Natasha Fatale: Bourgeoiski Congressman Gowdy issue subpoenas to Amerikanski FBI and Justice Departments heads for more information on Trump pee pee dossier.

    Boris Badenov: Alinskyite moles refusing to hand over evidence incriminating Comrade Hillary, no?

    Natasha Fatale: They follow Alinskyite dialectic, annoy decadent bourgeoiskis with stalling tactics.

    Boris Badenov: I must send email to big Communist in Moscow.

    James Bond: Naturally, SPECTRE would like to get their hands on that dossier.

    Dr. No: Kindly hand over the dossier, Mister Bond.

    Steve McGarrett: Who hired the British secret agent to compile that pee pee dossier?

    Sgt. Joe Friday: That’s what we’re trying to figure out.

  7. Natasha Fatale: Luciferian Illuminati goon squads bust Amerikanski actor Corey Feldman for weed after he threaten to expose Hollywood Pedogate perverts, while Comrade Hillary, Slick Willy, Comrade Podesta, and big perv Weinstein walk free.


    Boris Badenov: But I thought “equal protection” under law was in bourgeoiski Constitution.

    Natasha Fatale: Where is Amerikanski Attorney General?

    Attorney General: We’ve got to crack down on hippies smokin’ weed.

    Columbo: Hippies smoking weed busted before Hillary? When she’s been taking bribes to transfer our uranium to the Russians?

    Maxwell Smart: Hippies smoking weed???

    Natasha Fatale: Tell me we are in Albania!

    Dylan: It’s not Albania, man.

    Boris Badenov: I send email to big Communist in Moscow…

    Rod Serling: You’re a Hollywood actor who announces that he will name names of Hollywood perverts in creepy perverted Pedogate scandals. Your next stop….the Twilight Zone.

    • Harvey: Hey baby, I told you it would only be a week in rehab. Show you what I learned?

      Il Papa: Eh, Luigi! Harvey got cured in a week. Get your fag boy to that clinic. I’ll take care of the rest.

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