Posted by Bruvver Eccles on Wednesday, 30 November 2016
The chocolate Luther
Give your loved one a statue of his or her favourite heretic, made entirely out of chocolate! Bodily nourishment as well as spiritual nourishment! Warning, may contain nuts.
Also available: Arius, neo-Pelagius, Mohammed, Kasper, Tina Beattie, etc.
The Dubia game.
Fun for all the family. The players divide into two teams, and one person is designated “pope”. The members of the other team are allowed to ask five questions in order to try and decide whether the pope is Catholic. The members of the pope’s team must do all they can to prevent the pope from giving a direct answer: legitimate tactics include threats, insults, and claims that the answers have already been given. Dice not supplied.
N.B. See comment below for more on this item.
Pope Francis dressing-up kit.
Let your kids dress up as their favourite pope (not counting Benedict)! Includes white vestments, book of insults, etc. We even provide a scribbling book in which your children can write their own apostolic exhortations! Deluxe set also includes a small “aeroplane cabin” in which they can invent new doctrines.
The Eccles HeresometerTM.
Fun for all the family. Point this at your friends, and it gives off a piercing screech if it detects any heresy. Use the “Report” setting to shop Grandma directly to the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith!
WARNING: this device may overheat if used in Jesuit communities.
NOTE (From Highland Cathedral, 1 December 2016): Due to import restrictions the The Eccles HeresometerTM is not on sale in Germany. The German authorities have decided that noise levels from the use of this item in Germany might exceed current acceptable levels of noise pollution. Austria, Switzerland, Belgium and the Netherlands are considering implementing a similar measure.
Miniskirt of mercy
The miniskirt of Mercy is no longer available, but a miniskirt of Anger will be released soon.
Or buy the latest DVD: The Silence of the Popes.
Trailer: Scorsese with his five wives (current and four former – with some of their new hubbies) meet Pope Francis
In Martin Scorsese’s The Silence of the Popes a Jesuit pope is elected, who manages to remain silent in spite of numerous questions from his flock. Recommended by Fr James Martin SJ!