Tim Kaine’s Guardian Angel Quits

Tim Kaine’s Guardian Angel Quits

Published Tuesday, September 20, A.D. 2016 | By Donald R. McClarey

At The American Catholic we are dedicated to giving you up to date news on the election campaign. Thus we have this report from Acts of the Apostasy:

(AoftheANews) NEW YORK – The guardian angel for Democrat Vice-Presidential candidate Tim Kaine told AoftheA News that he is quitting the Clinton campaign, and has announced his endorsement of Donald Trump.

“I’ve had it with him. Completely had it,” the angelic messenger said, relentlessly puffing on a Marlboro. “I haven’t slept in days. He’s driving me nuts. His comments on so-called same-sex marriage over the weekend were the final straw. He really thinks the Church will someday change its position. Sure, he was taught by Jesuits, but he oughtta know better.”

The bedraggled, unshaven divine host of heaven went on. “I probably should have done this when Hillary selected him, but I had hope, you know? Turns out I was just fooling myself.”

He explained that his endorsement of Trump was merely an attempt to get Kaine’s attention. “I’m hoping it’s a wake-up call,” he said, pouring himself a glass of Jack Daniels. “Shock him a bit. Once he hears I want to ‘make America great again’, he’ll come to his senses. Maybe. I’m so beyond frustrated.”

Go here to read the rest.

TAC contacted the guardian angels for Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump for comment. The Guardian Angel for Clinton was too busy chanting Dies Irae to respond, while Trump’s Guardian Angel was in the Divine Witness Protection program and unavailable for comment.

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3 comments on “Tim Kaine’s Guardian Angel Quits

  1. Robin Holy pink slip, Batman! Can he do that?

    Batman: Angels are servants of Almighty God, Robin. Theologically, it is within the power and authority of the Supreme Being to withdraw his protection. Angels must follow the will of God.

    Robin: But why did Hillary Clinton’s handlers pick Tim Kaine for the VP spot anyway, Batman?

    Captain Kirk: Yes, why did Hillary Clinton’s handlers pick Tim Kaine for the VP spot, Mister Spock?

    Sulu: I know why, Captain…

    Captain Kirk: Spock!

    Father Mulcahy, S.J.: Of course, you can get hired at Fordham and Georgetown now
    for that reason…

    Robin: Is that really why they picked Kaine for the VP spot, Batman?

    Batman: We’ll have to have a LONG talk about politics, modernist seminaries, religious orders, and odd boy scout masters when you get a little older, Robin.

    Robin: If you say so, Batman.

    Batman: Have you ever been on an overnight weekend retreat before, Robin?
    Any problem with gym teachers at school? Are there any coaches who linger too long near the shower area in the locker room?

    Robin: Now that you mention it, Batman….

  2. Robin: Gosh, Batman, that sure is a peculiar reason to end up one fainting spell or heart attack away from the presidency.

    Batman: Indeed, Robin. But with the Clinton body count and all of the skeletons in their closets, the Clintons’ Illuminati and Dixie Mafia handlers needed a VP candidate with something unsavory enough to hide that the mere threat of Clintonista blackmail could ensure and guarantee his silence.

    Sulu: There’s no reason for shame or silence in this day and age, Captain…

    Captain Kirk: I suppose it could work, particularly if there is something criminal in their background that requires the threat of blackmail and silence. Back on earth in the twentieth century the Communists used similar methods.

    Walker Percy: And Clinton’s a Commie.

    Saul Alinsky: We prefer the term ‘Marxist’.

    Robin: So that’s why the wrestling coach checks the showers in the locker room so frequently?

    Batman: I’m afraid so, Robin.

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