Written by Anthony Mazzone
The Remnant
February 26, 2016

Shamokin, Pa — Fr Rodney Little, newly appointed pastor of Blessed Paul VI Parish, said an entire Mass last Sunday without once using the word “God.”

“I’ve been working on it for a long time,” said a beaming Father Little, wiping his brow, “and I was finally able to pull it off.”

When questioned, parishioners leaving the church had no idea that they had just been witnesses to history. “Really?” said one woman who identified herself as a Minister of Hospitality, “The good thing about Father Rod is that you would never know he is a priest. Like, he’s totally a regular guy. They should give him a raise”

As congratulations began to pour in, Deacon Nguyen Pho said, “At first I thought Father was using a new new translation of the New Order of Mass. Then I realized I was in the presence of a genius, pastorally speaking. By the time Father said “Evolution, who takes away the unfit of the world, grant us a neutral carbon footprint,” I was transfixed. It was like watching a pitcher in the last inning of a no-hitter.”

When contacted at the rectory Fr Little told reporters: “Why should someone be excluded from Mass just because he or she doesn’t believe in God? Oh, I know there are haters out there who will say that the Mass is precisely about God and stuff. But I have a message for all those funeral-faced, fundamentalist, promethean Pharisees: “Blessed Paul VI Parish is a welcoming, holistic worship community. We deal only with observable facts, so atheists can always feel safe here.”

Fr Little went on to say: “I was only able to accomplish this titanic pastoral feat by using the Thomas Jefferson version of the Scriptures. After all, stories about miracles and healing and eternal life make people uncomfortable. That spiritual stuff is really scary, so we just want to keep the parts where Jesus says we should be nice to one another and recycle.”

Father Little’s Ordinary, Bishop Mickey Shannon, was no less enthusiastic “What a beautiful example of the New Evangelization! What does it mean if not going outside our comfort zones and meeting people where they are? Now if where they are is in a materialistic, meaningless cosmos of mechanical forces indifferent to the existence of man, so be it. That’s where the Church needs to be.”

When asked if atheists can receive Holy Communion, Bishop Mickey said, “Communion is about inclusion not exclusion. If after a period of discernment…I dare say no more.”

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  1. My worst fear is that this man be made a Cardinal once Pope Francis hears about this

  2. Evolution, who takes away the unfit of the world, grant us a neutral carbon footprint

    Clever satire.

  3. Pope Francis praises atheist-sensitive masses

    Pope Francis praised the work of liturgists who have taken the words of Pope Paul VI, “We have the cult of man,” to mean that we must adjust the liturgy to be welcoming to unbelievers, and even atheists. Special mention went to Fr. Rob Lowe Rodney Little who, according to Francis, “has found the truly holy lowest common denominator for building non-judgmental relationships.”

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