Bear From “The Revenant” Has Private Meeting With Pope Francis

Bear From “The Revenant” Has Private Meeting With Pope Francis

JANUARY 28, 2016 BY


The bear that played the role of the vicious bear in the movie “The Revenant” met with Pope Francis at the Vatican Thursday, discussing their concern over the environment.
“Your Holiness, thank you for granting me this private audience with you,” the bear growled in Italian as he arrived at the Apostolic Palace before leaning over to eat the pope’s ring and finger as is tradition.
The bear offered Francis a book of works by the early 20th-century writer of Winnie-the Pooh, A.A. Milne, and showed him the reproduction of Michael Bond’s famous portrait of Paddington Bear that had hung over his bear den as a cub.
The bear said he thought the book also represented Francis’ environmental concerns.
An assistant then handed Francis a jar and explained it was filled with honey to help feed hungry bears around the world.
The bear, snubbed for a Golden Globe for his moving portrayal of a bear trying to feed his hungry family in the unsettled wilderness of the northern Louisiana Purchase in the 1800’s, is a longtime environmental campaigner who in 1998 launched his Yogi Bear Foundation to support initiatives aimed at helping bears learn how to maul people before they get shot in the face.
Francis gave the bear a leather-bound copy of Laudato Si, which was quickly and graciously devoure

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5 comments on “Bear From “The Revenant” Has Private Meeting With Pope Francis

  1. Esto es ridículo .señores.

  2. “And here’s the kicker, your Holiness: they can’t use either one of us for their silly “obviousness” jokes any more – I don’t actually poop in the woods!”

  3. Captain Kirk: Mister Spock! Why hasn’t the Pope met with Chewbacca yet? Analyze using your usual superior Vulcan logic!

    Spock: Fascinating, Captain. In cases such as this it can be useful to apply Occam’s Razor and probe for the simplest possible explanation. Perhaps the Wookie Lobby does not have as good contacts at the Vatican as the bear from Revenant and Mister DiCaprio.

    Captain Kirk: Couldn’t environmental activists from Hollywood who are concerned about climate change and global warming put in a word for Chewbacca so he could get a private audience with Pope Francis to discuss his concerns about climate change?

    Spock: That is the usual method, Captain. Although sometimes well-connected Illuminati freemasons just ask the token Opus Dei member at their country clubs or MENSA chapters. Or even in their Bridge clubs.

    Captain Kirk: Oh, I didn’t know that.
    You don’t think he’ll appoint Leonardo DiCaprio to the Pontifical Academy of Sciences or to the College of Cardinals?

    Spock: Or possibly the Vatican Film Commission. You know, Jim, they haven’t filmed a remake or sequel to The Agony and the Ecstasy or The Shoes of the Fisherman yet.

    Captain Kirk: That’s right. Or Ben-Hur or Quo Vadis?.

    Father Mulcahy, S.J.: Ben-Hur! Now, there’s a movie I’d like to see remade.
    Of course, I don’t think there were any bears or Wookies in that movie.

    Professor Sartre: No Wookies in Ben-Hur…I better write this down.

    Captain Kirk: Maybe Pope Francis could put a word in for them.

    Father Mulcahy, S.J.: I’m not sure PETA would allow it.

    Professor Sartre: What did the Pope discuss with the bear?
    There might be an opportunity for a discussion of existential phenomenology, Cartesian dualism, and self-estrangement in modernity.

    Reverend Neuhaus: Forgive me for interrupting again as pushy and aggressive professional Protestant converts sometimes do, but the Holy Father really should have discussed the Naked Public Square in modernity and Professor Charles Taylor’s secularization theories which have some relevance not just for Yogi Bear and Wookies in action adventure films but for many lay Catholics struggling amidst the confusion of postmodern secular culture and in what Max Weber once called the Entzauberung

    Father Sarducci, S.J.: Yogi Bear?

    Gecko: Right, mate. But what about reptiles?

    Professor Jürgen Habermas: Yes, disenchantment. It is true that modern society is haunted by the ghosts of dead religious beliefs, but we must penetrate beyond just a loss of the numinous, the sacred, and the transcendent, to a new and subjectively more convincing language for old political orientations within the neo-Kantian matrices of a new paradigm for values and meaning which can do justice to the epistemology of transcendental idealism while avoiding the a priori pitfalls of the The Fourth Antinomy of Pure Reason in Kant’s Kritik der reinen Vernunft which might lead to the entrapments of noumenal ontology and the absolutist Thing-in-Itself mystifications of pre-modern metaphysical theologies and their discontents from which the Freudians led the escape….

    Professor Sartre: Could you repeat just that last part?

    Father O’Malley: Yeah, and about the numinous and the neo-Kantian matrices…

    Doctor Jung: A bear could be a symbol of anger or strength….Also, of nature in general and the wildness which lies dormant within the self, deep in the subconscious mind….

    Walker Percy: The Pope is getting in touch with his inner Yogi Bear?

  4. Cousin Itt, a peritus at Vatican II, has been anxiously awaiting a meeting with Pope Francis.

  5. Gomez Addams: Why, that’s the strangest thing, I’ve ever heard!
    Then again, who would have expected a Pope to write an encyclical on climate change and global warming…..

    Gomez: My Dear, I’ve got it! We’ll go into the air conditioning removal business!

    Morticia: Will we have to move to Argentina?

    Herman Munster: Who is that strange woman, Grandpa?

    Robin: Yeah, Batman, who is that woman?

    Batman: An interesting question, Robin. We should investigate that when we have enough time and when you’re a little older.

    Robin: Gosh, Batman, flying to Argentina to start an air conditioning removal business is probably not a good idea right now with all of those genetically-modified mosquitoes carrying the Zika Virus for population control on the loose.

    Batman: How right you are, old chum!

    Batman: Tell me, Robin, have you been managing to keep up with your studies of Egyptology and ancient civilizations with all of these strange, apocalyptic disasters happening lately?

    Robin: Well, sort of, Batman.

    Batman: And your studies of Latin grammar and the philosophical writings and speeches of Cicero?
    Robin: Gosh, Batman, I sure do try. Latin takes a long time.
    We sure do get a lot of homework at Fordham Prep though.

    Father Mulcahy, S.J.: You can never spend enough time on Latin verb conjugations
    and case endings for Latin adjectives.

    Robin: Gosh, I know it, sir. I mean, Father. Of course!
    Now, let’s see, accusative and ablative case endings in Cicero’s Oratio in Toga Candida

    Father O’Malley: Don’t forget genitives!

    The Riddler: An environmentally-safe mosquito removal service!

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