Here’s One Russkie Who Just Kant Take It, Anymore!

Impure reason: Russian man shot in heated Kant philosophy debate

Published time: September 17, 2013 01:40

Immanuel Kant (Image from

The two men in their twenties stood in line to buy beer at a local store on Sunday in Russia’s Rostov-on-Don after the city’s anniversary celebration. They were discussing Kant’s philosophical ideas.

The discussion turned into a heated debate, which was followed by a fistfight and then one of the debaters pulled out a nonlethal pistol and fired at the other’s head.

“After firing repeatedly at his opponent, the shooter fled the scene”, local authorities said in a statement. Later, the police were able to locate the shooter and seize the weapon.

The victim was hospitalized with non-life threatening injuries.

Police have opened up a criminal investigation into the incident and if the suspect is found guilty, he could face up to 15 years in jail for the “intentional infliction of serious bodily harm.”

German philosopher Kant is known for his masterwork “The Critique of Pure Reason” and ideas that reason is the source of morality.

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6 comments on “Here’s One Russkie Who Just Kant Take It, Anymore!

  1. Captain Kirk: Mister Spock! An argument between two neo-Kantian millennial 20-somethings in Russia
    resulting in a violent spaz attack…analyze.

    Spock: It might not be logical, Captain.
    On the other hand, the tens of millions killed in their grandparents’ generation based on arguments
    over how to interpret the theories of Karl Marx would also defy logic.

    Kirk: The Thanatos Syndrome by Walker Percy?

    Spock: Ideas have consequences, Jim, hence, we must exercise caution in their application.
    It is something that applies whether it involves Immanuel Kant, Saul Alinsky,
    or Miley Cyrus or Kim Kardashian.
    Kirk: A little lower please…
    This knot in my back is killing me, Spock.
    Spock: It could be stress, Jim.
    Your tendency for overacting is widely discussed among your fan base.

    Kirk: I’ll try to take it down a notch, Mister Spock.
    I suppose you’ll want to explain how it relates to Aristotelian epistemology and the history of logic?

    Spock: I must confess, that thought had occurred to me, Captain.
    There are many aspects of both logic and the historical development of epistemology which we could cover
    in an analysis of Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason and Prolegomena to Any Future Metaphysics,
    as the analysis of a priori and a posteriori principles makes for fascinating reading.
    But it could have been much worse.

    Kirk: How so, Mister Spock?

    Spock: Well, think of what might have happened if the argument had proceeded to David Hume.

    Doctor McCoy: He may have a point, Jim.

    Reverend Neuhaus: I don’t mean to interrupt, Captain Kirk, but I couldn’t help overhearing Mister Spock
    and I think that two young neo-Kantian toughs arguing over 18th-century epistemology in postmodern Russia
    while waiting to buy beer relates back to the naked public square.
    Remember, we’re not just trying to understand how values function in the public square or how they might relate to disenchantment in the marriage debate,
    but how they have developed historically within Western society to the point of modernity we find today, with fops and former Lutherans taking over
    where the modernist Jesuits have abandoned the Church to footnotes on Max Weber over drinks in Greenwich Village,
    as well as the type of anthropology best suited for resolving the central issues and dilemmas.
    You know, Jacques Maritain said something to Peter Berger at Princeton once that really clarifies what happens when…

    Captain Kirk:And this would lead to ontological certitude and Aristotelian epistēmē in the classic sense?

    Professor Husserl: I object!
    We must bracket all metaphysical claims in any theorizing!

    Professor Hegel: In the clash of the dialectic we move toward the Absolute…

    Kirk: The dialectic again?
    How do we resolve this, Mister Spock?

    Uhura: Do you know ‘Love Shack’?
    I just LOVE the B-52s.

  2. You never disappoint, Howl!


  3. Robin: Holy Königsberg, Batman!
    An argument over Kantian epistemology almost resulting in a fatality!
    Batman: Never underestimate the role of the subjective in
    Crime and Punishment, Robin.

    Robin: Gosh, Batman, I guess this means more homework.
    Batman: Possibly, Robin.
    I realize the Aquinas and Cicero translation has been keeping you busy.

    Robin: Look, Batman! It’s the Green Hornet and Kato!
    Batman: What brings you to the gracious streets of Gotham City, Mister Hornet?

    Kato: We’re looking for a first edition of Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason.
    The Green Hornet: That’s it. The Kant caper.
    Kato: You wouldn’t happen to know where we could find one, do you, Batman?

    Batman: The Critique of Pure Reason by Kant?
    Robin and I just might be able to help, Mister Hornet.

    The Green Hornet: Thanks, Batman!
    Kato: Yeah, we really appreciate it, Batman!
    We need to brush up on 18th-century epistemology.

    Batman: Fordham University Bookshop?
    This is Batman. Yes, from the original Dynamic Duo.
    Never accept the credentials of the fake Batmen and impostors running around with all of these films!
    I trust with all of the controversy on Catholic identity in higher education
    and the disenchantment in modernity you’re not light on published works
    by dead western males and Immanuel Kant, Wax Weber, stuff like that at the present moment.
    We’re in need of a first edition of Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason for two gentlemen who will be visiting you shortly.
    One is shorter, a Chinese martial arts specialist, and the other goes by the name of the Green Hornet.
    They’ll both be wearing masks, but don’t be alarmed…

    The Penguin: Who is this Immanuel Kant guy?
    The Riddler: We can really get that flying mouse now!
    The Joker: I have an idea…It just happens that I have a friend on the faculty at Fordham…

  4. Spock: It is possible, Captain, that when the Green Hornet and Kato
    find a copy of Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason,
    that they will discover the role of David Hume in Kant’s Copernican moment.
    Captain Kirk: This knot in my back is bothering me too much now, Mister Spock,
    for a complete review of 18th-century skepticism.

    Chekov: Captain!
    This reminds me of The Brothers Karamazov of Dostoyevsky!

    Kirk: Yes, you’ll remember that I was in that film, Chekov.
    I played Alexey Karamazov.

    Chekov: Young intellectuals often argue in Russia, Captain.

    Kirk: I understand, Mister Chekov.
    But you’ll have to fix that silly Beatle mop top HairClub job.
    You’ve got too much mousse or need to change the setting
    on your blowdryer.

    Chekobv: Yes, Captain.

    Sulu: I know someone who fixes hair.
    I could still get you in the fashionable parties, Mister Spock.
    You and Captain Kirk are still very popular in the community.

    Kirk: Spock!

  5. Chekov: Perhaps an example of American exceptionalism will put this in context.
    Like many of your countrymen, Captain, you yourself were forced to fight for an idea
    on planet Excalbia in “The Savage Curtain” on stardate 5906.4 when you thought you saw President Lincoln.

    Spock: Technically, he is right, Jim.
    The ideals of equality, freedom, and egalitarianism have been linked with martial exploits and aggression.

    Kirk: Let’s not change the subject.
    We were talking about Kant, not Abraham Lincoln and The Gettysburg Address.
    Besides, that wasn’t the real Lincoln and it was only a TV show!

    Spock: Still, it did involve an act of aggression.

    Kirk: Not all of our fights are intellectual, Spock.

  6. Doctor McCoy: Danica who?

    Spock: Among former female go-kart race drivers from Wisconsin
    are a few Trekkies and Star Trek fans, Doctor.

    Kirk: Is this connected with neo-Kantian epistemology and The Critique of Pure Reason?

    Pavel Chekov: Kritik der reinen Vernunft.
    They discussed this in the Petrashevsky Circle, Captain!
    Фёдор Миха́йлович Достое́вский, Михаил Васильевич Буташевич-Петрашевский…I’m sorry.
    Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky, Mikhail Petrashevksy, of G. E. Blagosvetlov, A. P. Milyukov, N. A. Chernyshevsky
    and Vissarion Belinsky were all reading and discussing Kantian epistemology over shots of Vodka
    when the secret police came and….

    Professor Hegel: I would like to say something about this Kantian silliness.
    I realize that they do not teach the Dialectic or the Phänomenologie in most schools today,
    but let me just say that if we consider David Hume’s skepticism as the thesis that
    in the next phase of the Dialectic we should find…

    Kirk: Spock!

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