The Boretex

[Michael Voris on the “Church of Nice”]

The Boretex

Published on May 3, 2013

Oh my gosh – Stop being so divisive!


Hello everyone and welcome to The Vortex … SCREETCH …
No no. No need for that. Too much division and lack of charity.
Hello everyone and welcome to the Boretex and where lies and falsehoods are .. well ..
largely ignored and dismissed .. brought to you by the way .. by the Church of Nice.
Now, lets get some things straight .. we must simply have an end to all division. Period.
Division is an intrinsic evil. We can never disagree on anything .. lest we become
judgmental .. and commit the only mortal sin God really cares about .. hurting someone
else’s feelings.
But for those mean nasty uncharitable feelings hurting people out there committing such
mortal sins .. no need to worry, because, well no one REALLY goes to hell anymore .. if
they ever did .. compliments of .. the Church of Nice.
Now that we are all nice and non-divisive and sweet .. what can we talk about.
Well .. we can rally behind and jump on such earth bound bandwagons as global
Gotta fight global warming .. take up collections .. funnel parish collections to
informative literature campaigns so that parish councils can be horrified at global
warming and start protests.
We need to mount an effort to get those ridiculous Lenten sacrifices of meaningful
penances out of the Church and start concentrating our penitential efforts on not using
energy draining carbon off-gassing light bulbs.
A word of advice though – don’t try to get support from those 40 days for life
parishioners .. I mean they’re nice and all .. but SO single issue.
And while we are protecting the environment lets go all the way .. a Novena .. yep a
novena to .. WHO ELSE .. St. Francis to save the endangered white-spotted five-legged
green-tongued amoeba, so vital to the ecosystem of the Itsy-Bitsy river in the middle of
And before you object .. don’t. It’s all God creation and every bit as important as those
carbon producing fetuses that the other parishioners spend time trying to protect.
Then there’s the issue of poverty .. no .. not that pre-Vatican II poverty of the soul silly ..
but people poverty .. you know, poor people who we really only think about in concept.
It must be that we only think about them in concept because well .. after forty years of
taking up collections for them .. courtesy of the CCHD from the liberal staffers at the
bishops headquarters .. all those poor people are still here and there’s MORE of them.
And is it any wonder they’re still here .. what .. with the top 16 heads of the archdiocese
of Boston pulling down hundreds of thousands of dollars each in annual salaries. We
need to get rid of poverty so high paid professional Catholics can’t be singled out for
exorbitant salaries.
See the Church of Nice is SO nice that if you work for it .. it’s like winning the
Powerball. N-I-C-E.
And if the environmental social justice thing doesn’t work for you .. well there’s always
space in the ecumenical affairs division.
But we have to warn you .. there’s not a lot of work to keep you busy in there. But it is a
pretty pleasant area to hang out in.
There never any disagreements … between ANYONE. Whatever another religion wants
you to abandon or produce a double-speak vague document about .. just get down to it ..
just make sure you downplay the whole divisive thing about us Catholics being the
Church Jesus established.
I mean .. c’mon .. what is “Church” after all. Isn’t it important that we all just love Jesus
and get along and accept wherever we are on each other’s faith journey.
Since no one really goes to Hell anymore .. whatever past differences we had .. well, who
And a little job posting here .. The RCIA office at the Church of Nice is desperately in
search of even more bland teachers and textbooks than already exist .. all applicants
MUST be and hold any personal opinion they want .. hey they just can’t be offensive.
So stop judging, being uncharitable, and for gosh sake – stop being divisive.
GOD Love you.
I’m Michael Voris.

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One comment on “The Boretex

  1. THAT was spot on and very funny!

    Good find, Tim!

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